Spill

What you may not know

       I act. A lot. I'm not even sure anyone realizes the real me. I have many different sides so it makes sense you havent but to be honest I don't even know which one me. I also realized you don't know a great amount of information about me either.
         You only know what I have told you and that's only because I forced you to know them. Actually I don't think youve asked one thing about me without me asking you first and you asking back because its the socially correct thing to do.
         I just realized I forgot the point of this and just started rambling.
       Okay so back to the point, parts of me I'm just gonna start with good ones so I dont start this off bad. Well when I'm on country rides and we pass cows I yell MOO at them, I also constantly stick my head out the window whenever I'm in the car, also I blare music and loudly and badly sing.
            I never yell because loudness causes axienty plus its mean and I'm a complete softie some times. That's mostly good stuff, there's also the side of me that adores kids and just there so amazing I can't stand anyone who is mean to a child like at least act like you like them even if you don't. Okay I almost went like a paragraph deep with my anger towards that but I need to stop procrastinating telling you the bad parts.
            I'm very sensitive when I get close to someone and I will always think I'm bothering you but never the less I will try to text 24/7 because I'm an attention seeking whore. What else you dont know the first time Him and I had sex was on Christmas and I agreed to it, every time after that I didnt agree to it but I have always felt like I'm the one who made him want to fuck me because I agreed to let him do to it the first time. I'm the reason he rapes me.
               I get put into episodes very easily and when I'm in them I'm an even bigger bitch then usual. I made my mom cry because I yelled at her about how she needs to get her life together and finally told her how much she really hurts me during one of my last episodes.
           Another horrible thing about me I that I almost never form actual connections, I know how to act like I have but in reality I can shut almost anyone out and not feel a thing. Of course that's only true when I'm having an episode which can last anywhere from 30 minutes to years.
              Oh and another few horrible thoughts lately 1. I kinda want Him to off himself 2. I should just completely cut off everyone and go to a mental ward cause I feel like if actually belong there.
           Okay that's pretty much most of the stuff personality wise about me. Yep I'm a fuck up and ill probably start using here to vent and write letters to people.