See You Again: MBHEA Book II

| · 15 · | Re-Bye

FOR the rest of that month, the Jeons and Parks decided for us to stay in the hospital to recuperate and appointed tutors for us instead of sending us to school. That was the plan being executed until we graduated high school.

During that time, I would go back and forth on checking up on Jungkook and Jimin. Knowing that our time left is limited, I had spent all my remaining time with him. I did homework with Yoongi and Hara, who came to visit us together every day after school, and took Jungkook out for a breath of fresh air each evening. Jungkook had been more jovial as days after days passed and it's relieving to see that he isn't tormenting himself over his impairment anymore.

My old parents visited me often, too.

My mom and dad had cried with me. It felt nice, to pour out our feelings and express our emotions without having the need to hide them. The Jeons came by often and I loved seeing Mister Jeon acting like a supporting father towards Jungkook. He needs as much warmth as much right now.

"Have you seen your psychiatrist yet?" my mother  had asked as she picked up my bowl one afternoon after I had lunch.

Smiling, I nodded once. "Yoongi had a talk with me and Jimin. What he said was right, Mom. I think we both have severe depression. We were both too focused on deceiving ourselves that we're happy to realize that we were mentally unstable."

"You're not mentally unstable, Chaeyoung," my mom said softly. "Your emotions are just unbalanced but that doesn't make you stupid. I'm glad you're willing to seek help. Asking for help isn't always considered an act of weakness."

My hand reached for my mother's, squeezing it in reassurance. "I know that now, Mom. I learned it the hard way. I was afraid about breaking down and searched for ways to pretend that I'm strong. I think I knew something was wrong with me but I never wanted to admit it."

My mother frowned sadly. "All of you are so precious yet going through such difficult times. Yoongi, Jimin, Jungkook, and now even my own daughter."

I gave her a hug. "What's important is that we trying our best to help ourselves. This is the problem with everyone. In the end, we were all just too indulged in seeking temporary happiness in order to deceive ourselves that we weren't unhappy. We refused to acknowledge that we're 'broken.'"

"You make seek others' help to guide you but understand that you're the only person who can mend yourself," my mother said. "Find it in your heart, Chaeyoung. What is bothering you? What is the main source that's making you doubt happiness? Sometimes, in order to obtain greater things, you need to let go of the smaller ones."

"What do you mean?" I inquired.

"I know you don't love Jungkook like you used to anymore, Chaeyoung," she murmured in a low, gentle voice. "But you still love him enough to be willing to sacrifice the perfect future you had in mind. And I think you made the right decision. If you continued on being with Jimin, both of you will end up hurting yourselves and when that happens, neither of you will ever be able to save yourself. Both of you is that source of doubt for each other, the driving force behind you ignoring what's really the problem."

We sacrificed our love for each other in order to save ourselves.

"I understand, Mom," I whispered, feeling immensely melancholic. "We were an interim escape for each other that delayed the time it took for us to come to an understanding. Our love is dangerous. But despite all that, Mom, I still feel so fucking horrible. I really love him. The feeling of not being ready to let go but forced to do so anyways is killing me inside."