Chapter 40

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Catherine's POV

When Christmas time came around, I didn't know what to do. I talked to Snape about going to Grimmauld place and spending the holiday with Kreacher, but Snape said it was to dangerous to do that now. So apparently I was staying at Hogwarts, but I wasn't really sure I wanted to. Especially with the rumors going around.

Apparently, everyone was under the impression that Draco and I had a pretty nasty break up. And the more I heard the whispers, or Slytherins ask if I fancied meeting in an abandoned classroom for a snog, the more it hurt. It was news to me, Draco and I hadn't spoken about it. Weren't able to. And in those moments, I'd sneak away to an abandoned hallway and sit in an alcove and cry, holding tightly onto the locket Draco had given me for Christmas the previous year. I hadn't found out how to open it, which drove me mad, but it kept me hoping. Hoping that Draco would remember I told him I'd be there for him, that he'd come up to me with his 'I've been a dumbass, but you love me anyways' smile and kiss me, telling me I have nothing to worry about. Hell, I'd be happy if he'd fucking LOOK at me. But he won't. And that's when I cry the hardest, wondering if I just missed the memo. But Draco's a Malfoy. Yes, they can be cowards, but they also hold a pride unlike any pureblood family I have ever seen. If things were over, he'd tell me. No, it wouldn't be graceful. But he'd bloody well do it. Unless he was afraid.

As far as I knew, and from what Snape has told me, my father has no idea I'm in any sort of relationship. And if Draco was afraid breaking up with me would send me to my father and ask him to do something about it, I'd understand why he wouldn't say anything. But the fact he'd actually think I'd turn to him... I guess I can't be surprised anymore. I told Draco I'd follow him to my father.

I felt like an idiot. Like maybe I shouldn't have confronted Draco at the beginning of the year. But I had been so worried about him, and angry about everything happening. And every time I tried to talk to Snape about it, he'd tell me that he couldn't help, and that Draco and I had to work things out on our own. Which lead to me yelling that I've been trying, and got me detention.

Pansy and Blaise tried not to bring it up, to make me laugh since our other friends sort of stayed away from me. Tired of my tears and hormonal shite I suppose. Which just brought up my biggest fear, which Pansy was completely livid about. I had caught her screaming at Draco about it, only stopping when she saw me and hurried to my side to hug me, casting a glare back with an added 'I hope you're happy, you twat.' and leading me away so I could cry in the girl's bathroom.

Nothing got better, everything hurt. I spent Christmas in my room, only heading out to check if I had presents. I had three. One was from Snape, and was the mug my Grandma always made me cocoa in, saying he had gone through my belongings, and upon not finding it, went back to my old house to find it. It was only a little chipped, but the snake handle was perfectly in tact. The second was from Kreacher, and was a book on healing potions, with a small note inside, written with a speak and write spell that said 'Lady Catherine needs to study in order to be the best healer the magic world has ever seen.' The third was from Lolli. It was a box of ingredients for Dreamless sleep, and a note, also written with a speak and write spell, that wished me a good night's rest. I cried as I took my gifts to my room, shutting my curtains as I curled myself in a ball.

When everyone returned, it hadn't improved much. Blaise and Pansy still tried to get me out of the room to cheer me up. And they would until someone said something about Draco or he entered, and then I was pretty much done for the evening.

"I should have invited you to Slughorn's Christmas Party." Blaise said with a frown. "It would have done you good."

"What's happened has happened." Pansy said as she watched me. "Damn it, I wish you two would make up, this is killing me."

"He's avoiding me." I mumbled, staring at the floor. I sighed before standing. "I'm going to bed." And I retreated.

Months passed, and soon it was almost my birthday. Blaise and Pansy were all excited, successfully hyping me up. They babbled on what we could do.

"Let's go to Hogsmeade." Pansy said. "We haven't been there in forever." Blaise and I agreed, so on my birthday, we headed to Hogsmeade. Honeydukes, Zonkos, the Three Broomsticks, the woods by the Shrieking Shack. It was brilliant. Especially the forest.

"Why are we here again?" Blaise asked as we walked.

"I used to walk with my grandfather through the woods on the outskirts of town all the time. They calm me." I said as I rested my hand against a tree. "Grandpa said he always came out here when he went to Hogwarts. Helped him think." I smiled. "Said he was out here well past curfew when he was thinking about asking Grandma out. And the ones on the outskirts of town when he was thinking about proposing."

"Sounds romantic." Pansy said, though it was obvious she didn't agree.

"Sod off." I giggled. "What's your idea of romantic?" I asked.

"Not a forest, that's for sure." Pansy said. Blaise snickered.

"I think I could get my head around a shag in the woods." He said, I turned and huffed.

"I said romantic. Get your brain out of your knob." I said as we continued to walk, slowly moving back to the castle.

"So you find forest's romantic?" Pansy asked. I shrugged.

"First thing I spelled when Slughorn was showing us the Amorentia." I said as we headed back to the dungeons.

"Oo, what else did you smell?" Pansy asked. I shrugged.

"My grandmother's sweet pies and Draco's cologne." I slowed my step. "I wonder if he meant it."

"Meant what?" Blaise asked as he and Pansy quickly slowed with me.

"When I asked Draco what he smelled from Amorentia, he said one of the things he could smell was me." I said. Pansy and Blaise looked to each other and frowned.

"Listen, Cat. Maybe... maybe you should just let him go." Pansy said. "There are tons of other people who want you. You could easily-" I turned on her.

"You will shut the fuck up right now." I hissed, but my voice shook. Pansy stepped back, as did Blaise.

"I just want to help, Cat. I'm tired of seeing you so upset all the bloody time, watching that tosser from across the room with that melancholy smile. I'm sick of having to listen to you cry his name in your sleep, begging him to come back. Any other person would have given up months ago, but you won't. It's not fucking healthy-"

"I know!" I yelled, cutting Pansy off. "You don't think I know? I know it's not!"

"Cat." Blaise said carefully. I let out a shuddering breath, tears rolling down my face. I turned on my heel and walked away, ignoring Pansy and Blaise calling after me, the jibs and insults from the students that passed me in the hall. That tripped me and hexed me. As soon as I found my abandoned hallway with the alcove I usually went to, I curled up in a ball and cried. Once I had calmed down a bit, I just sat there, leaning against the wall and looking out into the hall, listening to the castle around me.

Eventually, I headed back down to the dungeons and into the Slytherin dormitory. Blaise and Pansy turned to me, looking like they were going to get up and approached me, but I walked right past them and to my room, getting in bed and closing my curtains, casting a silencing charm. Can't hear me cry when you can hear me at all.

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