Dear Journal.. (Hetalia - Romano's Final Rant)

Connections

"Dear Journal,

Have you noticed that I don't really write about friends here? No? Well, that's because I have no friends. I don't really need them, to be honest. Friends will only hurt you and I don't need that. I've already had my fair share of pain and I don't want to add to that!

But.. but Journal.. Sometimes I just wonder, you know? Sometimes, I would lay on my bed and just think about what will happen to me if I have some people that will always be there for me.

I'm wary of the people that come to me. They only want my grandfather's fortune instead of actually befriending me. I'm sick of it. Sick of it. Sick of it. Sick. Of. It!

I want people to trust, is that too much to ask?"

End."

-----o0o-----

Lovino ran. To where, he didn't know nor did he care. He just wanted to get away, damn it!

How dare that American bastard do that to him? It was humiliating! And it wasn't true! He didn't cut for attention! He's not an attention whore! He didn't want it to happen. Why would he wish this upon himself? He couldn't stop it. He tried but he failed. He didn't have anyone to help him get through it.

"God damn you," he said to no one in particular. "God damn you, God damn you!" His voice was cracking, he knew it. People were staring at him when he passed the lobby. An old lady tried to stop him but he just maneuvered away from her and ran out of the building.

Get away, get away, get away! That was the only thought that went through his head.

Lovino ran passed a group of tourists and headed straight for an abandoned park he saw when his driver drove along the street. It was quiet and not a lot of people went there.

He was about to make a turn when he heard a familiar voice calling out to him. "Loviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!"

He cursed. Antonio. He didn't want him to follow! He just wanted to be alone!

The Italian looked back and was relieved when he saw that the Spaniard didn't see him. Taking his chance, he ran faster and ducked under the shade of a few old trees.

-----

Lovino was out of breath when he finally got to the abandoned park. He managed to evade Antonio, thank God. Damn, that fucktard was fast.

He looked around and found a bench. It was pretty worn out but still serviceable. He sat and caught his breath. All that running made him forget of the meeting earlier but now, in the silence of the park, all of it came rushing back to his mind with renewed vigor.

His head was pounding as the memories made themselves known to him. Why, he thought. Why did he have to go through this?

He dragged his hand through his auburn hair, tears once again threatening to spill. Lovino knew that he wouldn't be able to do this with other people around, but now with only him and his thoughts, he finally let go.

The tears that he concealed a few minutes ago- heck, years ago- were finally making a run for it.

Lovino doubled over as grief, sadness and anger took over him in the forms of gut-wrenching sobs. The tears that streamed down his face were the result of all the verbal abuse that he received from the other nations.

You're such a lazy ass, they would say. Your brother is much more talented than you. Why don't you try to be like your brother?

You're bad, Lovino.

Useless.

Clumsy.

We don't need you here.

You're such a fucking screw up!

With every word, the Southern Italian's sobs got louder, his tears flowed even more, making his lithe body tremble as if he was having a seizure.

"God, why?" he screamed, his head tilted up to face the heavens. "What have I ever do to deserve this?"

His voice was raw from all the sobs. He wanted to stop them but he couldn't. Just couldn't. Lovino's heart was throbbing painfully, his breathing becoming uneven every second. This was too much. Too much for him to handle. He wanted to end it all but he knew that he wouldn't be able to.

He wasn't human. He was a nation. Or a half-nation but still..

He wasn't dissolved yet.

He didn't know if it was a good thing or not.

"I want to die," he said, softly now. "I want to die so badly."

Lovino didn't know that his words sent a huge wave of sadness to the person that was hiding in the shadows.

No, the person thought. You're too precious to die.