I truly don't have a chance, tomorrow I'll keep the beat and repeat yesterday's dance.
He's doomed to follow the same old rhythm of depression, anxiety and fear. And he's doomed to take everyone down with him, that's why, today, he decided to put a stop to it all. No, he's doesn't refer to suicide, he is talking about hurting the people close to him. Disappointing the ones he loves the most. Tyler grabs his ukulele and his old backpack, the red object doesn't look anything like an everyday backpack anymore, but that's probably Tylers' fault, he has been using the poor thing everyday for the last four years. But then again, it's his favorite.. he puts some necessary stuff in there like an empty notebook, four pens and some clothes. Tyler walks downstairs, saying his goodbyes to no one in particular, he doesn't get a response, his mother isn't home.
He grabs his wallet, he has been working a lot these past few weeks, he knew that he was about to leave, he knew he would need money. And now finally, everything is ready, he puts the wallet in the backpack and opens the door. He locks the door behind him and looks at the key in his hand, a little sigh escapes from his mouth and he puts the key underneath the doormat, where he belongs. He then starts walking, he left a note for his mother to find, he hopes she will let him go, not chase him down and take him back home. He just turned eighteen and can go anywhere he wants. Legally speaking, if his mother would let him is a whole another story.
After fifteen minutes of walking he decides to jump on a train, he does not want to stay in his hometown with all the people who used to care about him, all the people he has hurt. After a few stops he gets off the train, it's getting dark already, his dark clothes make him almost invisible. Just a floating red backpack. He reads a sign and smiles Ohio he hasn't been here before, it's very cold but that's usual for the time of the year. It wasn't much warmer when he left home. He wanders around the city for a little while.
After two hours his eyes land on a rather large building, it's nowhere near the city center and looks out of place, there are no lights burning inside the building and the place where there used to be a door is nothing more than a hole. Tyler decides to take his chances and walks in. He gives his eyes a minute to adjust to the darkness and then looks around, the building looks even bigger when inside and there are no windows or doors to keep the cold out. Tyler feels a shiver running down his spine but he chooses to ignore it, he wasn't expecting a luxe hotel with a swimming pool after all. It's cold and empty but it will do for tonight. He walks a few steps further into the building and notices the escalators, despite the fact that they don't work it does make Tyler happy to see both of them are in good shape, that probably means the rest of the building is too. No need to worry about the ceiling coming down tonight. He walks over to the escalator and smiles. 'This isn't the worst right?' No one would hear him, but that's fine. He wasn't specifically talking to a person after all. In this building he finally felt free, he finally didn't get the feeling the walls were coming closer, he finally didn't feel as if he would suffocate at any moment. Nevertheless he still felt the everlasting presence of his blurry face, the one he would probably never get rid off. He tried to learn to live with it, but blurry gave him a hard time, not even shrinks could help him, saying it's only in his mind... if only they knew.
He walks up the escalator, slowly at first but a little faster with every step, he hopes that upstairs the cold won't get to him, but as soon as he reaches the end of the escalator that hope fades away. No windows here either, the wind blows straight through the whole building. He sighs and decides to sleep in a corner, where the cold won't get to him, luckily he brought a sleeping bag. He curls up in the corner and closes his eyes, but blurry appears and keeps him up all night.
