Lifeline || ongoing

[2]

[DOCTOR JENN'S SESSION #187]
- You talked about this book in session #186.
- Doctor Jenn wants to get rid of this book.
- Check in with receptionist. Her name is Clara. (Need to sign in with her.)
- Appointment card is in wallet, 2nd slot to the right.
- Pass it to Clara. She will book another appointment.
- Mark down new appointment in this book's calendar and phone calendar.
- Keep appointment card back in wallet, 2nd slot to the right.
- Doctor Jenn's office is on the 4th floor. Go straight till the second door, then turn right.

I followed my post it note till I reach Doctor Jenn's office. Clara the receptionist was somehow extra friendly today, though she looked at me weird when I did everything referring to my notebook.

I stood in front of the door, my whole being dreading to go in.

"Haley, I can see your shadow from here, come in already," Doctor Jenn's voice came from behind the door. Right. Forgot the door was translucent.

I reluctantly opened the door and glared at her. She returned my glare with a bright smile.

"Glad to see you too, sunshine," Doctor Jenn greeted cheerfully.

"Are doctors allowed to be this sarcastic?" I grumbled and sat myself down on her sofa chair. Might as well make myself comfortable.

Doctor Jenn stuck her tongue out at me. I shot her a look of disbelief. What was she, 5?! Do you see my point now people?! This was the entire reason why I was dreading this trip to this office - having to deal with a psychiatrist with the most unbelievable personality.

In all honesty, somewhere inside of me I did like her as my psychiatrist because she sure knows how make someone feel at ease. That was not something I could easily do in front of people.

I've came a long way from one worded answers to at least speaking an extremely brief summary of how I felt to her and my dad, sometimes even Flora. I still struggled to speak about Lana, which meant I haven't made much progress, but it was still something. I mean, I was literally the most difficult person I knew. The main point was, she doesn't need to know that I liked her.

I huffed in response, adding on a dramatic eye-roll to match her, simultaneously letting her know how lame I thought she was.

"So. We talked about your book last session. You're still using it."

"What's wrong with my notebook? It helps me."

I found myself surprisingly defensive.

"I think otherwise. You don't need the notebook, Haley."

"I do, I've avoided so many panic attacks because of it," I frowned.

This book was so important, she had no idea. Doctor Jenn sighed.

"No, Haley, you use the book to shut people out. You allow no one to be there for you, to support you."

"That's not true, I-"

"Half the time I swear you don't even need those notes. You convinced yourself into thinking that it's your lifeline but in hard truth, you don't need it. Don't you think it's time to let go of the book?"

"You don't know what you're talking about," I snapped harshly and looked away.

She was so wrong about me.

"It's time to stop relying on it, Haley."

"You're literally asking me to throw myself into a sea of freaking human eating crocodiles right here. I need this book. I can't live or function without it. You don't understand."