Mimeomia

20 | cloudland

CHAPTER TWENTY

CLOUDLAND

( — a region of unreality, imagination, etc.; dreamland. )

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

          AS FEBRUARY FLIES BY, MICHAELA DECIDES NOT TO THINK ABOUT THE FLOWERS. Instead, she focuses on all the stories she needs to keep dishing out to stay so busy she doesn't even have a spare second to be thinking about anything other than her job and everything it entails.

          Ginny insists Michaela is only making things worse by not dealing with them and choosing to run away. Lennox remarks it's what Michaela always does when it all becomes too tricky to be handled and that's why nothing ever gets fixed for real when she's involved. Ginny jumps to her defense. Michaela doesn't say anything. An argument ensues, but, seeing as she clearly does not have the patience to get caught in the middle of it, Michaela is forced to open her mouth.

          It has turned into a routine, she thinks. By the end of February, the three of them are so saturated, so exhausted, they can almost make a list of all the steps these interactions entail. Michaela is certainly not tired of them, especially now that the air around her and Lennox is lighter and it makes breathing a thousand times easier, but this place is draining for all of them.

          Word about her resignation has been flying around the headquarters and Michaela knows it's just a matter of time before it reaches Blair and, therefore, Old Howie, but part of her is hoping her coworkers will have the decency to be discreet while making bitchy comments about her life. They might be sad to see her go, as she knows she has always been an asset to this magazine, but they're also happy to watch her leave, with her departure probably meaning more opportunities for the other editors.

          Michaela knows this because she has done the exact same thing—hell, she remembers having done the same thing to Millie after the girl got fired, when all Michaela cared about after that was the absurd number of stories she could get. It's extremely hypocritical of her to worry about what people are saying about her and who hears it, but she doesn't want to get fired—there's a massive difference between quitting your job and getting fired.

          Quitting your job means you have a choice in the matter. Getting fired just gives all the power to those above you, and Michaela has had enough of being a mere follower.

          On Thursday, the very last day of the month, Michaela concludes she's definitely on the verge of a breakdown when she realizes she has let her coffee go cold for the third time and it's not even lunchtime. Jillian has already left, having gone back to Los Angeles because duty calls and she has better things to do than hang around New York drinking her weight in iced coffee, while Michaela has been feeling the side-effects of her best friend's departure since the plane took off.

          She truly hates to admit it, but she feels a little bit ridiculous by giving another human being the power to dictate her mood and well-being like Jillian does, but she supposes it's understandable. Jillian Pope, with all her qualities, flaws, quirks, and bad habits, is her best friend and the person she's certain she loves with everything she has. Therefore, it's only natural that both her presence and absence affect Michaela in some way, but the latter still hates the magnitude of said effects.

          The word she's looking for is defeated.

          Lennox might miss Jillian too, in his own way, but Michaela bitterly takes comfort in knowing it's not like she does. It's in a much more fleeting way, as they had never been particularly close—Michaela doesn't even know how the two met, sincerely, but it's not something recent, that's for sure—and he won't ever know just how painful it actually is.