Love Affair

24| Troubled

Rocky POV

I went back to my room and grabbed my notebook, writing and proofreading here and there. What Sky told me was true and I'm fed up with this life, it's driving me into a depression. I'm scared to get to close to her, I know how this life works so getting involved with her will only cause her pain and bring danger into her life. I don't want to push her away but I can't deal with no more heartache.

I smoked away my brain, I think I'm going dumb

Cocaine up on my gums, I think they're going numb

I'm having stomach pains, man I'm throwing up

Cause I'm a microphone fiend

Give me the bass, give me the beat, and let me lean

Tap the vein, let it stream, feel the pain

Young Martin Luther King, with a dream

That one day that my team

We can make it with this rapping

Now we swagging, making money in Manhattan

Straight what's happening

They try to intellect with indirection just to test you

A rebel until my death, it's in my flesh, it's in my vessels

Demons posted all around me, I can't beat 'em all alone

These demon thoughts they start to drown me, won't they leave me all alone

I wrote on a new page in my notebook, getting my feelings out then I got a call from a unknown number . I hit decline because I don't have time for no more fucking surprises. It was late and I honestly can't fathom why anybody that I knew would be calling from a unknown number and I ain't about to figure it out. I just went back to writing, trying to find the words to give my feelings a voice.. I couldn't think of anything so I threw my pen down in frustration and rubbed my hands over my face.

I looked at the clock, it read 11:24 p.m. - It ain't like I got a 9-5 but I would like to go to sleep but I know my body is gonna give me a hard time. I fell asleep just fine when Sky was here, my body didn't even hesitate. My mind was clear and I was calm. No other women has done that for me other then my mama but even now we've gotten distant. My lifestyle and being with ones you love don't mix, so we have to love from a distance but I send her money often-I should go see her soon.

That same unknown number called me again and I quickly declined getting irritated. I called Carti real quick to check on him because I was starting to get that bad feeling in the pit of my stomach but he didn't answer. I grabbed my keys and my glock and headed to his house.

-----

I was sitting in my car in front of his house when I tried to call him again but he still didn't answer. I got out the car and knocked on his door. No one came- so I knocked again a bit harder growing more impatient by the second when I heard locks being undone and someone peeping their head out..

"Hey Mrs. Carter I know it's late but is Jordan here? "

Her eyes began to water and I already knew what she was about to say.

"He was here earlier today sleeping but when he woke up it's like the devil was on that boy. I don't know what's wrong with him, he's acting crazy. He kept complaining about someone following him or watching him. I tried to calm him down but honey that only made it worse and he stormed out of here. I don't know what's wrong with my baby Rakim.. " She said wiping her eyes

I felt bad for her and It made me finally see how my mom must have felt when I first got into this shit because I was doing the same thing. Not talking to her because I felt like she wouldn't understand, leaving her in the cold about my whereabouts.

"Don't worry, I'll bring him back home safe" I said trying to calm her. Truth is I'm just as afraid as she is. I never realized the trauma this life brings to the people that love you until now.

"Please bring him back home! He's only a baby Rakim, he may be 19 but that's still my baby"

"I know. I'll bring him back you just try and get some rest" I said

"Ok, you be careful you hear. "

"Yes ma'am "

I headed back to my car and just sat there before pulling off trying to think of where he could be. Or if someone else got him. Fuck! I called Yams to see if he had seen him or had a plan

"Yoo wassup? " He greeted in a sleep filled voice

"Aye man you seen Carti because he's gone. I'm at his mama house and she said he left earlier all worked up and shit"

"Damn again? I told that nigga don't do that shit no more"

"Yea well he did. Since he left on his own I kinda just want to relax and wait for him to come around on his own again but then again somebody may really be after him because she said he was complaining that somebody was watching or following him or some shit"

The line was silent for a moment and I can bet money that he was rubbing his chin in thought.

"We got to think this thru so it ain't no use in all of us going to search for him right now without a clue or lead for where he could be. So just go get some rest and we'll link up in the a.m"

He had a point but I can't rest knowing that he killed someone and possibly someone could be trying to retaliate on my brother but he's right, we have absolutely no clue where he could be, Carti random as fuck so looking for him is like a wild goose chase.

"Aight man.. "I finally spoke

"Don't worry about it Rocky just chill"

"Aight, ASAP "

"ASAP"

I hung up the phone and drove back home, more anxious than before.

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