For MC and all my other friends. Here's what I didn't say but I think every day
I'm so proud of you.
-GS
You're not dragging me down. You're my friend and I want to be there for you. If you can't understand that now, how can I prove it? I can't help you if you don't tell me things--there's this thing called trust. I get why you fight me, though. You're already fighting so much of yourself and you just feel so sad and you don't know what else to do.
I'll never say I know what you're going through, because I don't. But please don't dismiss me like I've never had an issue and my life is perfect. I don't have a diagnosis like all the cool kids do. I'm just me. There're highs, and there're lows. But does a diagnosis prove anything? Does it make you feel more secure? So, no. I don't know what you're going through, but that doesn't mean I'm incapable of helping you.
This isn't about me anyway. This is about you and how I can help you because I love you. Don't scratch in "platonic" or any of that specifying shit. You should know what love is. You have it, I have it, you've felt it, I've felt it...It comes in several forms and degrees.
Know that when I mean love, I mean the love of sharing a conversation with you. When I mean love, I mean when I can see you smile, hear you laugh, or better yet make you laugh. I mean when it's just you and me, an average day hanging out. I mean those long weeks you drag your feet just praying for the weekend. I mean those long nights at three in the morning when you can't sleep and you just want it all to end. I mean the victory of knowing you made it to another sunrise and that the audacity to live still burns in your heart. I mean that bravery you carry through your fears, your doubts and depression that keep your feet on the ground. You haven't let them win.
When I say I love you, I mean I love you. And I'm so proud of you. You're stronger than you'll ever understand.
I'm not your answer, as much as I wish I was; but I will help you with the pinnacle of my ability if it means you refuse suicide for another night.
August 2017
