Just this once

Chapter seven

Erika's POV

He knows. He knows about my cutting and yet he is still standing here before me. He actually took my feelings into consider and agreed to drop the conversation. I don't know how to respond, know one has ever shown any type of care for me before.

"Erika?" He interrupts my thoughts

"Yes?"

"Do you trust me?" What kind of a question was that? I barley know the guy except for that one night... We had both promised that off a long time ago, I doubt he even remembers, yet still... That question; do I trust him? Despite everything I do not have even a single doubt in my mind when I answer.

"Yes."

"Then can I ask you a question?"

"I don't promise an answer, but go ahead."

"Why was Ty, the most popular guy in our year giving you such a hard time? How could you possibly have provoked him that badly?"

I sigh, I knew this was coming at some point, I just was hoping more time would make it easier. I don't want to repeat the story but I just told him I trust him, I can't go back now, so I dive into the story of how I got the schools number one popular up my ass.

"It all started in elementary school, you see, Ty wasn't always like this, no. In elementary Ty was a nerdy, goody-two-shoes, and he was also... My best friend." His expression says it all, his deep blue eyes are the size of saucers.

I laugh in a weak attempt to lighten things, but inside this hurts, what he did to me...

"On the weekends and in summer he would always come down to my house and we would go hang in the park. I remember this one time the we were out there plus two other friends, there wasnt room on the park bench so we were sitting partially on the guys laps; nothing romantics just as friends.

And he laughed when the police drove by and then came around again real slow. He said

'He must be thinking some crazy things right now about two boys and two girls, from elementary school like this!' And then we all laughed." I draw a shaky breath, here it comes.

"I actually was quite popular in elementary school, he... wasn't, and then it was middle school, when everything changed.

We saw each other less and less; except for Swim Club which was once a week. I made new 'friends', who were friends with the me I am at school- not the real me. Long story short and dated two of them (not at the same time) and broke up with them in the same, shitty way.

He sent them a long text message full of horrible, horrible things. And the worst part about that? One of the girls is now anorexic, because she believed every word. She never eats..." My voice trails off, I can't say what I almost did.

"Why'd you stop? What were you going to say?" Can I?

"It'll scare you away..."

"Erika, I promise no matter what you say I won't go away."

"Don't make promises you can't keep." I say bitterly and start to walk away until he grabs my arm- right where the fresh cuts are. I wince in pain and he immediately lets go.

"Oh god- Erika, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking, just- please finish the story, You don't have to say what you were going to, just please tell me the rest."

I sigh... Should I? I must if only because of that night...

"Fine. I texted Ty and told him that he was being really rude and hurtful to my friends and asked him if everything was okay. I asked him what was wrong because I was concerned for him, he never acted like this and something had to be wrong.

He told me to meet him somewhere and was never going to show." Hunter reaches forward and wipes away a tear I didn't know I had released.

'Pull yourself together Erika!'

"Do you know how fucking bad that hurts?!? He was my best friend, and that's not the worst of it.

At the same time he was texting me to meet him he was texting my new friends that when I showed up he wasn't going to be there. He was going to stand me up and text me

'Did you honestly think you could ever get a date? Your fat and ugly and you are going to die alone. I've always hated you.'

This was coming from my so called 'best friend'." I furiously wipe away another tear.

It scares me because usually I can control my emotions. I hate that he can do this to me... But I also love it.

I allow myself to meet Hunter's eyes and see only fury- no pity, I'd be disappointed if I had.

"THAT ASS! HOW COULD HE DO THAT DO YOU? WHAT A MOTHE F-"

"It doesn't matter anymore."

"DOESN'T MATTER? THAT DOUCHE HURT YOU WHEN YOU DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO HIM- NOTHING TO DESERVE THAT!" That struck to close to home.

"I DESERVE IT! I DESERVE PAIN! I AM GOOD FOR NOTHING AND DESERVE ALL THE SHIT THAT GOES ON IN MY LIFE! I DESERVE HELL HUNTER I DESERVE IT!!!"

His eyes soften and he reaches for me, I can no longer control myself, I can no longer hold it in, so I don't.

I collapse in his arms and he pulls me tight into his chest, gently stroking my hair and rubbing my back as my tears soak up his shirt. He holds me like this until my sobs quiet and he pulls back a little, caressing my cheek and tilting my chin so I am looking him in the eye.

"Oh Erika, no you don't. You deserve happiness and all things good in your life. I hate seeing you this way. You are an amazing girl who doesn't deserve to be treated this way."

"How can you say that? You barley know me..." My voice trails off.

"You know how." That's all he has to say and I know. He remembers that night. He remembers. I don't know how to respond to that so I pretend like he didn't say anything.

"Erika, he isn't worth someone as amazing as you- no, it's true. I hate seeing you hurt and I know that you know what I'm talking about, I know you remember that night as well as I do. And I hate that we have to pretend nothing happened but I promised you we would and so I will, but it did, happen. I hate that he did that to you, and I am so sorry about what he made your friend-"

"Hunter, man where'd you go?" He is interrupted from a voice across the hall, I don't even look who it is, my eyes are studying Hunters reaction. His eyes look regretful and I can see in his expression that he is going to stay. I can't let that happen. I have already gotten to familiar with him, sharing that story was something I don't tell many people- in fact anyone. I quickly

get up and out of his arms, madly brushing away at my eyes.

"You should go."

"But-"

"Go." My voice comes off rougher than it should, and I am surprised to see a flicker of hurt in his eyes so I add on

"It's really fine."

He nods but his eyes look regretful

"I'll see you later okay?" Why does he want to see me? I nod anyway.

As he turns to walk away I remember our conversation.

'She never eats, she is anorexic.'

And I can feel the words I refused to say aloud on my lips.

'And so am I...'.

I want to tell him; I almost did, but I cannot. Not after that night...