Safina Madina

21. Look what you made me do

"He's in room 305, you can go up, he's expecting you" said the receptionist of the hotel. I held my bag tighter to me and proceeded to the elevator. I pressed the third floor button. The elevator door opened. I stepped out. 301,302,303,304,305. I knocked. He opened the door. I smiled politely.
"Good morning Baba" I greeted him. He smiled back warmly and moved aside for me to enter.
"Good morning. Please come in" he said. I walked past him into the room and he closed the door after I entered.
"I'm sorry for coming very early, I hope I'm not disturbing you?" I said after he offered me a seat.
He sat on the bed facing me. "Not at all" he answered. "I always wake up early, I'm a morning person. I use the time to think...on how to make more money, there's never too much money when you have a family to take care of" he said.
"I hope I'm not shortening your thinking time then" I joked. He laughed.
"Baba I'm here to ask you a favor and please I want you to say yes" I said desperately.
"I know what you're here to ask and I don't want to debate it. I'm sorry to disappoint you but I was horrified and disgusted by what that girl did. She wants to bring shame into my family" he said bitterly like he had kola nuts in his mouth.
"It was my fault that it happened. I know she did it by herself but it's entirely my fault that things happened the way they did. And I'm willing to do anything you want. I'll make sure she never repeats it again. I'll keep her in check. Just allow her to finish her education, please baba" I was on my knees now pleading. His face was turned to the side away from me, then he turned.
"Remove your clothes" he commanded.
"I beg your pardon" I said.
"I said remove your clothes" he repeated with emphasis on each word.
"I heard you the first time, I just don't understand" Is he trying to do what I think he is??? I'm shocked right now.
"Well you said you'd do anything right? Isn't that why you came here?" He inquired.
" yeah that's why I'm here but I don't mean I'd do anything you want in the literal sense" I said with a shaky voice.
" save that bullshit for someone else. You want a favor, I want one in return"he said and got up. Walking to me slowly. I got up too and stood defiantly.
"No one ever has to find out,it will be our little secret. And Falmata will not be removed from school." He said to me with his hands on my shoulders. I looked at him with utter disgust and disbelief.
"Oh smile,I know you're used to this. You're married after all so you know how to give your body to a man. And I'm more experienced. I can satisfy you more. I won't force myself on you" he suspended his hands in the air as if he was surrendering. "But what you decide determines Falmata's fate. It's up to you. Stay or walk out" . He gave me an option.
First I decided to lay emotionless as he went about with it. But that felt like defeat. So I took control of the situation. I went on top. Riding him and acting like I'm enjoying it. I will not be dominated, I'm already in a tough situation. I don't want to look back and think I was raped. No, I reject that for myself. I did it myself. I'd rather it be this way.
"Wanna join me for coffee downstairs?" He said breathlessly after we were done.
"No" I answered swiftly.
"Suit yourself" he replied and got off the bed and went to the bathroom.
When he came out I was still in bed under the blankets. My pillow was soaked with tears and so were my thighs with his disgusting fluids. He got dressed and said:
"Here is some money for taxi or that Uber thing. It's on the table. Close the door when you leave. And oh, don't delete my number. I'll be needing your..company whenever I'm in Manchester" he said and left the room.
I entered the bathroom. Went under the shower and turned it on. The water hit me. And I burst into tears. I yanked a sponge from where it was placed and began to scrub my body rigorously. I was screaming and bawling my eyes out. I scrubbed till my body ached. The hot water making it hurt more. I've committed adultery. And I'd rather be stoned to death than let Muhammad find out. I've betrayed his trust and he'd be heartbroken if he ever becomes aware of my actions. Was it worth it? Was it worth it at all ? Doing this for Falmata. "Somebody please tell me , was it worth it" I screamed to no one in particular looking up at the ceiling while I dropped to my knees.