iridescent ↠ grayson dolan ✓

↠ t w e l v e

{ c h a p t e r t w e l v e }
grayson's pov ;

Grayson never felt more at home. Here, above the entire world, it was peaceful and far from the chaos of the road below.

The rollercoaster they sat on was the very same one him and Ethan would climb up. Grayson wished he had enough courage to climb up the taller ones so that he could show Lauren a good time, but he knew that he wouldn't make it. He felt angry with himself. Lauren deserved better than an anxiety ridden boy who couldn't even climb up a few hundred meters.

He didn't know how long they'd been sitting there for. The night air was chilly and had a crispness to it, but the two kept warm next to each other. Grayson looked around on the ledge that they sat on. The same ledge him and Ethan sat on.

It may seem like nothing had changed. Any passerby would've presumed that the only thing that changed were just the trees that had grown thicker and the birds chirped more that night but everything else remained the same. But everything had changed since the last time Grayson had been here. Everything was different.

"I missed this place." He mumbled to himself, absentmindedly fiddling with the bars on the ledge.

"I can tell why. It's beautiful." Lauren's eyes explored every inch of the small town as if she had never seen anything like it before.

It was truly magnificent. Most people wouldn't appreciate something as simple as this view of the ocean amongst trees and city lights but he knew how much she did. The crisp night was just like the last night he'd spent here with Ethan. If he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine him sitting next to him and Lauren.

Ethan would like Lauren. Ethan would like her a lot. She was equally as adventurous and witty, always craving another thrilling escapade. He had a twisting feeling in his stomach that maybe she'd like him too. And something about that made him feel upset. He wasn't good enough for her. He would never be good enough for her.

"Hey." She said, bumping his shoulder lightly. "What are you thinking about?"

"Ethan." He confessed. He didn't want to explain how Lauren would've liked Ethan more. He didn't want to think about it at all.

"What about him?"

Grayson took a deep breath. If it were anyone else, he would've hated explaining this. But this was Lauren, his Lauren. He could tell her anything.

"This was mine and Ethan's special place." He said softly. "It was the one place in the world where I felt safe. Where I could forget about everything and just feel normal. He was the only person at the time who I could be around without worrying about my anxiety. He made me feel safe; more so than this stupid amusement park ever did."

Grayson didn't know he was crying until Lauren engulfed him into a hug. He sobbed into her chest unceasingly, his hands clutching her jacket. She held him silently, rocking him back and forth as his body trembled. The pain came in waves, minutes of sobbing broken apart with short breaths, before hurling himself into her arms again.

"It's okay." She said, running her fingers through his hair in an attempt to comfort him. "I'm here."

Grayson's sobs slowed down and he struggled to take breaths. Lauren continued to rub his back as the crying slowed down. It was silent again. This time it wasn't a warm, comfortable silence. This time it was simply just quiet.

"Why?" He asked suddenly with glossy red eyes. "Why did he have to go, Laur?"

"I don't know, Grayson."