•••
please note, this was written a long time ago.
sometimes you have to accept that nothing will ever be the same. but i forget, all the time. i try to come back to you to tell you what's new, so you can make my day, so i can laugh like i actually mean it. i don't have problems with accepting it, i have problems with realizing it. that nothing, will ever be the same. I still wake up in the morning, with first thoughts of telling you about this new or cute boy in my life, or how my swim team is kicking every other's butts. i want to tell you about my day and have our little fights over which celebrity is "MINE." I want nothing to keep reminding me of you. you know, i still see your books in my library although i know your account was deleted. i still scroll through our old conversations, but it never gets easier. i can't continue writing that book. the one we were writing together. i can't even think of it without wanting to fücking stab myself.
you died with my secrets,
you died with my heart.
thinking of you never failed to tear me apart.
my vision, my mind, would blur -
the phenomenal girl you were,
with the terrible life you received -
and you said no one would have grieved.
with your death.
but you were wrong, i relinquished a part of me.
a part of me i wanted no one to see.
maybe you're watching, how depressed i can be.
how i pray to God about you and why me?
maybe you're smiling at the mess that i am, when you're perfectly fine.
maybe you're saddened by how much i hurt because you were, to me, so sublime.
loving you was never a crime,
but the way you were unloved should earn them some time.
behind bars, and torture, perhaps.
then i could sleep like a baby and take extra naps.
my dreams would be dreams without dreadful nightmares.
i hope you're listening, reading, and know so many people cares.
it scares me the most, not knowing where you are.
pray that one day, hopefully not far -
we'll meet again,
behind the gates of heaven.
be waiting for me?
for eternity.
i will always hold you in my heart,
even if we're galaxies apart.
8.14.17 you died.
8.15.17 i cried.
and when they asked how i am, i said fine.
well, i lied.
•••
9/30/17
YOU ARE READING
Dear You
Short Storyto the angelic girl that read this book; to the girl that died, anyway. a book written primarily on a friend's death. i discontinued writing this after i got my emotions out. *** you trained me to hide my emotions in a jar. you told me that feeling...
