When In Slovakia aka Chris The Rapunzel

Chapter 41

Everybody leaves the viewing area one by one until only Agnes, Robert, Katrina, Judith, Vincent and I remain on top of the tower. The sun has finally broken through the clouds and gradually I feel it warming up my face, shoulders, arms and legs. Eventually I'm not cold anymore. Vincent also feels the sudden heat and takes his jacket off.

Maria from The Sound of Music told Liesl that to cure a broken heart a person has to wait for the sun to come out. It has come out at last, but I don't feel the "release". If only metaphors were true... The sun doesn't help me, for my spirit remains as downcast as before.

The moment Robert speaks, I find out that I'm not the only person here having depressive thoughts. – If we jumped down, would we survive? Or would we be dead at once?

- I think we'd be dead. There's stone pavement below. – Judith responds.

- But what if we landed on the grass? – Agnes adds. I glance down to the East. It would be hard to jump so far – the pavement below the tower there is about two metres wide.

- Maybe we would end up with some broken bones then. Or a broken neck... - Vincent doesn't seem very positive this morning either.

- It depends on whether we'd wish to survive, I guess. – I finally start speaking again. – The power of a person's will might sometimes be even stronger than death itself. But the person has to be willing to live.

- Who doesn't want to live? – Agnes asks and looks into my face. Her stare burns like a laser, but I don't move my head an inch – I just keep staring at a tall tree in front of me. Its branches with dark green leaves are bending in the wind.

- The hopeless. Those, who don't have anything worth living for. – Am I referring to myself right now? Or Christian? I don't know. Love is too complicated for me to describe what I feel inside.

- There's always something to live for. – Katrina adds. – Even the grass below is worth living for. Think about the people in hospitals, who can't move their legs after an accident. They can't go out and walk on the grass. We can. Even if we didn't have anything else left in this world but the grass, life would be worth living it anyway.

- But wouldn't we get bored of the grass? – Robert thinks the same way I do.

- Learn to love the grass! You will never get bored of love.

- What if I don't believe in love? – This is the first time in a while I face a person. Until now all I could look at have been trees, houses or rocks on the pavement. I'm waiting for Katrina to respond, but she's silent as a tomb. The moment it seems Katrina doesn't have anything to say, she speaks.

- Then you don't believe in life itself, and it's only your fault you don't see the point of living, because there's always a purpose. 

It's distressing for me to stay here any longer. I have to think all by myself. I walk to the Western side of the viewing area and then climb down the stone stairs unnoticed by the guys, who're still enjoying the view from the top.

Downstairs I meet Laura, Dina and Paula, who are still exploring the church. They tell me that the teachers have given us an hour of free time in the town.

I leave the church alone. What am I to do now? Perhaps I should call Ethel? Talking to her has helped me approximately 2000 times and I'm sure this time isn't any different. I walk to the park with fountains on the other side of the church and call her, but... Ethel doesn't pick up the phone.

That's how I end up COMPLETELY alone in the middle of a beautiful, but utterly depressing town somewhere in Slovakia.

- I just love these fountains! – I hear the voice of Mrs. Rosenbaum behind me. When I turn around, I see both teachers walking toward me from the park. – Marta, are you okay? – It seems the teacher is worried. – You're the second person I see walking alone today.

- I'm fine. I just needed some space and silence. – It's not a lie. I think physically I am fine, but mentally... I'm not sure.

- This is the first day I notice anybody from our group who's down in the dumps. – The other teacher (I don't even know her name) joins the conversation. – I wonder what's happened.

- Yes. – Mrs. Rosenbaum agrees. – I saw Christian heading toward the canal on the other side of the park some two minutes ago. He looked just miserable. Perhaps you can find him and ask what's wrong? – The teacher looks into my eyes. Does she know I like him?

- I can do that. – I set off to catch Christian. I really do want to talk to him and understand if the reason of this horrible depression of his is Julia's feelings for Edgar. I'm pretty sure it is, but, if so, then Christian is the first boy I've met, who takes unanswered feelings so seriously. Most guys would just move on.

I can already see him in the distance – a tall and slim figure, wearing a black hoodie and tracksuit bottoms. Christian's moving forward without looking around and exploring the town. I understand him completely – I can't focus on sightseeing either, when I have thousand-and-one other thoughts on my mind.

I finally catch up with him and call the guy from behind. Christian turns around to face me, and I feel sudden pain in my chest, as if somebody's stabbing me through the heart. Christian isn't happy to see me. He seems annoyed.

When we're already walking side by side, I start speaking. – The teacher sent me to check if you're okay. What's wrong? – I pretend to have no idea where Christian's depression has come from.

- She really did? – He looks into my eyes to detect lies. But I'm not lying at all, so it's not hard for me to look at him without blushing. Christian still doesn't seem to believe me. Okay, that's his problem. – Why does she think there's something wrong, actually? I just wanted to be alone. It seems that I won't get this wonderful opportunity anymore...

That's a clear hint for me to go away. Will the person I love shut me out of his life forever? It's never a good feeling when you realize that the best gift you can give someone is your absence. The feeling gets even worse when you give this "gift" to a person who means so much to you.

- I can go away if you want me to. – My words sound harsh enough for Christian to relent a bit.

- I don't want to be impolite, so you can do whatever you like. – This means that Christian lets me stay with him just because it would be "impolite" of him to send me away!? Wanna be a gentleman, huh? This role doesn't suit you, honey!

- I'll go away as soon as you tell me what's wrong. This isn't the Christian I know...

- Then you don't know me at all.

I have no idea how to respond. It's the most terrible feeling I've ever felt – to be here when Christian would like me to fade away like a distant and unpleasant memory. Okay, what else can I do? I turn to leave without even saying "Bye!".

However, I don't manage to make a single step when I hear somebody calling from behind. – Guys, wait up!

It's Judith.