Short Stories

you were my life

It was the first time I actually felt joy. The first time my head was free from all the darkness. I'f actually felt alive for the first time.

But then I was dead again and there was nothing I could have done to go back. You showed me that it was ok to be broken. You showed me I could live on even with those dark thoughts. To get along with myself even if I didn't wanted to.

And then just when I finally learned to live you left me.

You left me alone fighting against these poisoning demons. I don't want to fight anymore. You were there protecting me, now I'm alone again worse than I ever was before. Cause you showed me what happiness is like and I saw how truly cracked I was. I could finally understand the people who said I was too broke to live my life normally. I realized how hard I wanted to end my life and that those weren't just normal thoughts.

You were the reason I woke up in the morning, the reason I left my bed. The reason I could cross a road without hoping one of the cars would finally hit me. 

You saved me from myself protected me from my infected brain.

Now say, why did you let the darkness win against you? Why wasn't I enough to fight? Couldn't you see how much I loved you? That you meant the world to me? I couldn't give you more than my broken life. I thought it wasn't enough, you were the one who said it was and yet you left.

I can't bear this pain, I can't live with this aching heart you left me with. It feels like my body rejects it, tries to push it away because it's not working anymore and the pieces which once build it, are cutting my inner soul.

The only way that's left for me to live on is to end it all.

Maybe I will see you on the other side so you can finally make me understand why you left me alone, when you knew I wouldn't survive without you.

Maybe I can make you understand how much I cared for your life by showing you how less I care about mine.

Maybe I can show you how much I love you by showing you that my life was made out of yours and it ended when yours did.