Don't Make Me Sad

Three: Numb

Woking up again.
Seeing the same things as I open my eyes.

I passed the yesterday.

Now, here I am again,
lying on the floor.
With a blade on my side.
And pills on the other.

I wonder how to make this day over.

Because days aren't really days.
They're obstacles that need to be faced.

I need something to get through the day.

I'll do everything to forget the pain.

I cut once again.

"I don't feel any pain"

This is depression.

The numbness sensation.

Cut again but more deeper.

Why didn't he keep me? I was a keeper.

I can't take this anymore.

I throw the razor blade at the corner.
As I watch my blood streaming down to the floor.

Until I feel the tears on my cheeks didn't realise I am crying.

I broke down sobbing after so long of being strong. I mean  after acting strong.

I crumbled to the floor,
Hands on my face.

My face scrunches up and I let out that first gasp.

I tried to be quiet but eventually it becomes loud,
Heartwrenching sobs.
I cry and cry,

So much.

I can't even breathe.

I ask whoever's up there.

"Why? Why me? Why this? Why can't I just  be dead?"

I say I want to end it all right there, right then.

I sob, trying to gasp breaths in between.

Eventually I completely collapsed on the floor after.

And just lay there.

Numb.