Falling Back: Alex Rider FanFic

~Chapter 2~

Alex's (POV)

  I stare down at my half eaten plate of mashed potatoes and pork, pieces of hair falling down over my eyes from the way my head is angled. My fork absentmindedly picks at the scoop of white potatoes, my appetite for today already quenched.

  The sound of both Lucy and Don's silverware clinking against their plates being the only sound surrounding the room.

  Mack and Polly left about an hour ago. Mack's mom picking them up early due to some something.

  Before that, and after Mack had basically dragged me downstairs, we mostly just sat around in the kitchen while Lucy cooked. The occasional random conversation starting up between Lucy, Don, Mack, and Polly. Who of course all tried to get me to join in.

Not much luck there sadly.

I slouch further in my seat, feeling even more horrible than I already did.

They're just trying to help. To be there. And what do you keep doing - just like you always do?

  I push them away.

  I force another small forkful of potatoes in my mouth, feeling my stomach squirm in discomfort despite how dormant my stomach injury has been.

I don't mean to push them away. I've tried to act like it all wasn't much of a big deal, to play it off like I'm absolutely fine.

But I don't think they're buying it.

I glance over at Don who's sitting to my immediate left, at the head of the table. Then over to Lucy, who's on Don's left before focusing back down on my food.

  But they just don't understand. They insist I constantly have someone around to keep me company when all I really want is privacy.

  I can't let them see how much everything has really affected me....I can't. They mean too much, and I can't bear the thought of them thinking I'm more of a mess then they think, a....a mistake.

"A no-good, worthless, killer, pathetic, valueless, mistake of a child!"

  I cringe from the sudden explosion of words in my head, instantly clamping down on the memory as my heart catches in my chest. Hand tightening around my fork.

  And if that means spacing myself from the people I've come to care for, to keep them safe.

  Then I'll do it.

  I can't let anyone else get hurt because of me.

  I glance down at my lap, checking the time on the wristwatch attached to my left wrist that's laying motionless on my lap.

6:47 P.M.

My heart squeezes, throat drying.

Looking back up at my plate, I grab the small plastic cup containing my medication, quickly pouring them into my mouth before I wash them down with a drink of water.

I don't know how much I'm taking now. Or even what. It doesn't really concern me enough right now to pay attention.

Because you're no-good.

I set my jaw, lips forming a frown as my body tenses. Blowing a slow breath out, I relax my muscles, forcing my mouth into a small smile.

"Thank you for supper." I say just loud enough to be heard, Don and Lucy immediately looking over at me with mild surprise.

  I push my chair back, scooting my plate forward a inch as I stand up. "I'm going to get ready for....bed." I grab my plate with my right hand, quickly glancing back over at them one more time.