Check Mate

Lets Play

They arrived at the home of Lavender Brown in a flurry of green flames and soot. Still clutching Hermione's hand, Severus pulled her from the fireplace into a drab living room, with anolive colored divan with matching chairs and an ancient coffee table covered in Witch Weeklys. It wsa decidedly an average, middle-class, wizard home.

"Professor Snape!" Lavender exclaimed, clearly surprised to see him immerging from her grate. "What are you doing here?"

It wasn't the politest way to greet a guest, but then again, she hadn't invited him, he had intruded. She had probably expected, (and most likely had hoped,) never to see him again.

"I want you to teach me that idiotic game you showed Miss Granger last winter," he said brusquely. Her mouth dropped open. He followed her eyes as they moved from his face, down to the hand that still held Hermione's, and then around him to where, apparently, Granger was hiding behind him. He pulled her forward and released her hand from his grip in one fluid motion, somewhat embarrassed that he held it for so long.

"You told him?" Lavender asked the girl incredulously. A red blush quickly crept across Hermione's cheeks and her eyes darted from Lavender to him and then to the floor. He didn't care if she was embarrassed or not, he was determined to have some peace of mind regarding this whole ridiculous situation.

"I didn't mean to," she protested. "It just...happened."

"The game, Miss Brown," he growled. Lavender looked back at him, her look of incredulity turning to intimidated.

"Of course," she stammered, "Sit down. I'll go find some pen and paper."

He sat down, tapping his foot impatiently, while Granger remained standing.

"Severus, is this really necessary?" She laid extra emphasis on his name, as though she were trying to assert that they were both mature adults who hardly needed a game to tell them their futures.

"Do you think I would have dragged you here if I didn't believe it was, Hermione?" he snapped. They waited in awkward silence until Lavender returned moments later with a quill and a roll of parchment in hand. Sitting on the couch, she adopted a serious pose and began questioning him.

"To start you pick six girls...I mean six women."

"Six!"

"Women you might marry," Lavender explained.

"Frankly, I can't think of one woman I might marry. I'm hard pressed to think of more than three that I can talk to for more than five minutes without wanting to hex them," he snapped.

"Umm, well...." Lavender looked nervously at Granger. "Hermione, naturally. So five more."

"Is there no option for remaining single?" he snarled.

"Just write down me and 'lonely bastard' five times, Lavender," Hermione snapped. He realized he might have hurt her feelings in this crazy endeavor to rid his thoughts of her. He decided to go straight to Albus when they got home and tell him he would be unable to brew any more potions for the Order if Granger insisted on being present. She would undoubtedly be unbearable after this.

"And now you choose six numbers at random," Lavender said. Reluctantly he gave her the numbers, choosing anywhere from zero to 38. He watched as the girl began mumbling to herself and began marking off at random the numbers and names she had just written down. There were letters across the top as well, spelling the word MASH.

"What is all this?" he growled.

"Well the numbers are the possible number of kids you will have and the letters are for what kind of house you will live in," Lavender explained, showing him the parchment. He looked at her befuddled.

"M is for mansion, A is for apartment, S is for shack, and H is for house." He nodded to show that he understood. This game was a farce. It was outright laughable, but at the same time he had put all his hope in it. With equal fervor, he hoped it would come out on 'lonely bastard' and Hermione.

"But what if he lands on a number other than 0 but he doesn't have a wife?" Hermione asked. He smirked at her innocence.

"Perhaps I will succeed in overcoming my loneliness from time to time," he purred. She glared at him.

"You would have to overcome your being a bastard first," she retorted.

"It's possible," he said, a little miffed that she thought it impossible that he could charm a woman into bed, the fact that she was mostly right only added injury to insult.

"Thirty-eight times?" she asked skeptically. He clenched his fists and stared ruthlessly at her. She grew sulkier by the minute and the sulkier she got the cheekier she became. He kicked himself mentally for not having hexed her back in June when she had had the temerity to call him by that horrid name. If he had demanded her respect then, then perhaps now they wouldn't be arguing over his chances of reproducing in the near future.

"I have the results if either of you are interested," Lavender snapped. Hermione and Severus turned and looked at her. He held his breath while she read the results.

"According to this you're going to marry Hermione and live in a shack with two kids."

"Two kids?" Hermione asked indignantly. "Last time it was four!"

"It's not an exact science," Lavender said.

"Divination rarely is," Severus said sardonically. He thought about the prophecy the Order had worked so hard to protect several years ago or the one Trelawney had made in Potter's third year. Yes, they had come true, but they were so obtuse that actually figuring out what they meant before they happened proved almost impossible. Although this seemed fairly straightforward. One could hardly misinterpret these results. Lavender sniffed at his comment.

"I'll have you know that Divination is a respected branch of magic, recognized by the International Wizarding Council and taught at all the major schools, including Hogwarts."

"Yes, yes, Miss Brown, spare us the diatribe." He stood and grabbed the paper from her hands. She looked at him as though she might protest but then thought better of it. Granger didn't respect him but he still instilled fear in Miss Brown, it was something, at least. Besides, there was no way he was allowing her to keep such a damning document. He would destroy it as soon as he returned to 12 Grimmauld Place.

"We'll just be on our way," he said, moving towards the fireplace.

"Thank you, Lavender," Hermione said, looking at him pointedly. He motioned for him to join him.

"Come along, Granger, we haven't got all day."

"Don't you have something to say to Lavender, Snape?" He sighed with frustration. He didn't feel any feelings close to thanks toward the daft girl whose home he had invaded. If anything, she had made things worse for him by predicting, again, that he would marry Hermione Granger. But the girl was already sulky and irritable; he didn't want to stand here all day while she waited for what she thought was due to her friend.

"Thank you, Miss Brown. I had thought my future pretty bleak before now, but you have made being killed by revenge seeking Death Eaters seem almost appealing."

He looked at Hermione with a look that said, "There, are you happy?" The mixed look of embarrassment, horror, and hurt told him that she most certainly was not, but she got in the fireplace with him anyway. He didn't hold her hand on the trip home.