Memories (ForthBeam fanfic)

Chapter 14 - My Doing, My Undoing

Forth's POV

"Do you remember?" I asked Tee pleadingly.

His eyes stared at me. He's scared, I can see it clearly. I thought to myself, not again, not now. I don't want to ruin this. I don't want to ruin him.

"Did i know you before, Forth?" I felt glad he finally spoke, but his voice was cracking, there wasn't much he could say.

"Yes." Was all i could answer. Does he know? Does he remember?

I felt his body shake uneasily, he's losing a grip on himself. Why have I let him drink anyway? Stupid of me.

I pulled him close to my body, wrapping him in my embrace. His face pressed against my chest, my tears started falling. "You are Tee. Do you know that?"

I could only hope he understood my words. I could only hope it brought him comfort.

His body felt heavier by the second, and then his legs betrayed him. Thank heavens i was holding him when i realised he passed out. My Beam. My poor Beam.

What have i done?

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Beam's breathing steadily now. He was sweating cold, i had to wipe him down. This hasn't happened before. I did not think this would be so overwhelming to him. I hadn't thought. I should have.

I sat crouched on the floor beside my bed for a long time after ensuring Beam's comfortably sleeping. I couldn't keep myself to sit beside him. I could only savor the tranquility brought by the silence and distance between us.

He was just within my arm's reach, but I couldn't keep myself to touch him, not even to brush his hair in place. I feel guilty. I hurt my Tee.

I could still taste him on my lips and feel the warmth of his body against mine. I stared at the bed where i laid him. How i wish i could snuggle up close to him now.

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Beam stirred in his sleep, slightly nudging my hand. I hadn't realised i slept watching him. I hadn't realised my hand firmly holding his. He's whispering.

He could only be dreaming. About us? I asked myself selfishly. I silently muttered a prayer, please let it be the good memories, let it be about us, dreams, not nightmares.

I sat on my heels closer to him, as i caress his pale cheek. "I'm sorry, Tee. Please know I love you. I love you Tee. I always have." I whispered to him, maybe he'll hear it in his dreams.

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Beam's POV

I felt a warm hand clasped on mine when i woke up. And then i saw a lump of hair on my side, i tried to sneak a closer look and found it was Forth, his face resting on my side, sleeping. I'm on his bed now, i realised.

This would have brought comfort to me, if it weren't for the images that slowly invaded my mind once again.

I started to recall the events of the past night. Everything was a haze and confused is too little a word to describe my current state.

I understood every scene that played, but somehow I can't put it all together. My mind doesn't want to believe.

I am Tee, he said. That doesn't make an ounce of sense. How could I be Tee?

Do i remember? What does he mean?

I remember kissing him back, i remember the kisses. But how? It wasn't me and him in those kisses. How do i know it was us?