cacti ( phan )

Saved You

Phil's POV

Dan was wrapped in my embrace.

He was crying and he was falling apart all over again.

"It's okay bear. It's okay.." I ran my hand through his curly hair.

He cried harder.

I walked backwards with him and laid him on my bed and I crawled in bed with him.

I held him close and kissed his forehead. He was clutching onto my shirt like I was his lifeline.

He sniffed and held on even tighter. 

"Please Phil....don't let me go." He whispered through sobs.

"Oh Dan, I won't let you go. I promise." I whispered into his curly locks.

His grip loosened.

"You okay bear?" he looked up to me.

He pulled the covers up and sniffed.

He curled up next to me and his breathing slowed.

He was asleep.

I looked down and saw he had my hand in his.

I kissed his cheek.

"I could use some rest." I whispered and fell into a peaceful sleep next to him.

-

The next morning I woke up and Dan was still closer to me than he had ever been. He was gripping my torso in his arms and I knew he wasn't letting go any time soon.

I didn't understand what happened last night. He was fine and then he just wasn't.

I really thought I was helping him.

I mean it's always possible that it was just a small episode and that was fine. I can handle that but I really hope nothing is going on in his head that someday I might not be able to stop.

I ran my hands through his curly locks and pressed my lips to his forehead.

He shuddered and lazily opened his eyes, he slowly unwrapped himself from me and sat up, he stretched.

"I'm really sorry for last night Phil. I don't know what came over me."

I could sense sadness in his voice and watched it in his big doe eyes.

"Oh Dan, don't be sorry. It's okay. I don't mind helping you when you're sad. Remember, loving you was the best thing I have every done. I love you Dan, I don't want you to feel like you are a problem, because you're not a problem." I pulled his close to me and rubbed his back, tracing little circles.

"I love you, too Phil. You are the only thing keeping me alive. I am eternally grateful for your love." 

I smiled down at the sad boy in my arms.

I remembered the day we met. His eyes took me back to that moment.

When he first saw me he absolutely hated me. He just wanted to smoke his cigarettes, slit his wrists, and cry. Looking at him now, I realize that he might still want to smoke and feel pain and cry. But, I know that he is getting better. He smiles more now. He feels more now.

He is a beautiful mess of emotion.

He climbed out of my embrace and stood up. He stretched his arms. 

He walked over and pulled out a canvas. I had never seen Dan use a canvas. He always used watercolor paper.

He set it up. I watched him stare at it blankly for a little bit.