20 Days Gone

1 (Updated)

"I'm going to get through this. Just twenty days gone."

Continuation:
I was welcomed with a sudden gust of cool dry wind as I stepped into the building. It was kind of the type that you would normally get goosebumps from, normally. In addition, there was the complete mood-dampening silence which made me shiver a little. There was no fear. It's just a session. My mother hadn't even briefed me yet, so I had assumed it would be done later.

My feet made their way to a room, dragging me along as my mother led the way, taking brisk steps without even looking back at me.

Stop reminding yourself, I told myself.

I didn't know if I was going to be alone in the session or with a group, a really sad-looking group at that. Like I said, I hadn't been briefed. Maybe this place was for those I-want-to-die-type of people, or maybe it was the hopeful types. Really contradicting.

After mindlessly scratching the hell out of my fingers and taking in the building's inside interior, I started sniggering to myself. Really cliché, how the only way my thought process hadn't started was because I was looking at the people inside. Everyone was looking down, half of them tears dripping down their red eyes and was that the sound of a grown man crying his heart out? They were all posted in different rooms with tinted glass windows, but if they could still be seen, what was the point of it? Earlier before I had passed by a group crying session.

"How're you doing, kid?" I whipped my head to turn around and face my mother, the sniggering broken. She was leaning on one of the doors, and past that was a woman in a coat which I assumed was her. I should have had lost my composure about right now, looking around again at the broken expressions but there was nothing.

Dear guilt, have you done that too? As far as I could tell, my heartbeat was perfectly normal, or was mine the odd one out? There wasn't much worry on my head but my breathing did go up a little more. Maybe the air was going out.

"I'm fine, I told you already. I'll see you when this session thing is over. Yeah, I'll be fine..." I replied while earning a doubtful look from her. I had been telling myself throughout the car ride that I would be fine, "great" as what Lauren would've said.

And for a second there, I nearly allowed it.

My mother shook her head in what looked like disappointment but there was the absolute fear in her eyes, her eyes that were laser-locked at me. I hesitantly held her hands which were trembling, which I thought should be happening with my hands instead.

"Look mom, this is bound to help me with," I trembled and immediately continued. "With what happened. And I know she'd be stuck on my head starting yesterday, but this should help with that. No stressing about it, I'll see you later." I spoke softly, another blunt lie I had conjured up. I walked towards the empty room once she was out of sight.

"You're Ryan Anderson, am I correct? How're you feeling?" The woman asked in a monotonous voice, an interesting way to start a conversation.

"I'm barely holding up, uncomfortable of the tension right now and well, call me Ryan only, please." I replied, trying to easen up the conversation. Now that I was thinking about it, I was doing this for her. Her, the voice in my head repeating, causing me to shiver a little.

"Sure, Ryan only," she replied, chuckling a little. "That should get rid of the tension. Now, only in this room, your mother told me that you want the sessions because of her-"

"Yeah, that's how it should be happening."

"And now?"

I could feel the vibration of my phone, a voice mail. "And now I think I'm going to erm, listen to the voice mail. Excuse me." I excused myself out of the room quietly after she nodded, frantically pacing back and forth in the hallway.

Should I listen to it? My head went left and right, and I ended up answering it. I put the phone up my ear. I replied back directly after, my foot tapping and echoing throughout the hallway.

"First of all, you shouldn't have done that. I know what you did is against what I told you to but I've been expecting something like this. Second, I don't care what you say, something will change. It will, be it after a few days or when time shatters to the ground. Everything will change. Don't be stupid and hold on to the impossible. Stop holding on, this is just the first of the twenty days gone."

I held the phone in my ear for a moment after that, the words I spoke out clearly repeating in my head. Maybe that was true, what I said.

But no matter, it's just the first day. Day one, and soon it'll be twenty days gone.