20 Days Gone

3

Day 3:

"I've got some things to tell you. I think it might help Lauren when you're having sessions with her."

"Please continue."

"Ahem. Most likely, when anyone tries to get serious about a topic which she doesn't want to talk about, or even hearing a single word, she would have this kind of overly aggressive response. Sort of like a facade."

"You do realise that the reason that would happen, that particular type of response, is you? Your doing?"

"My actions, yeah. I've broken down her walls, all the way inside; she's going to build them back up with a brand new foundation. A stronger foundation. That foundation is pain, created from her fear that her walls would, would-" I felt myself shake inside, as if something jolted me. " break down again."

I turned to look at Lydia. "Independence is the goal here for her. She needs to gain some independence. I don't-" My throat started to dry up once more as my hand reached out for the bottle of water-

Splash.

"Ryan, are you all right?"

My eyes were fixated on the water, now spilled all over the floor. Sitting on the bed upright, all I could do was to keep staring at the lost water as it trickled its way from the bottle, spreading out. My eyes were wide, wide open as a jolt of memory hit me.

'Don't cry over spilled milk,' my mother used to say, back when I was still five. 'You can't have it back now. Learn to be more careful when you're holding the glass, okay?'

You can't have it back now.

"Ryan."

Learn to be more careful.

"Ryan."

Holding the glass.

"Ryan!" I snapped out of trance as Lydia's hands shook me back to reality. "Are you all right?"

The sudden sight of my hospital clothes' absorption of the torrents of tears coming from my eyes hit me, and I immediately wiped away the unnecessary liquid dripping from my eyes. "Yeah, it just dawned on me-"

Lydia nodded, as if reading my mind. "It's not that simple to fix a broken heart. A great majority of suicide cases are because of broken hearts. Correct me if I'm wrong or anything but Lauren's in the middle of a vast conjunction. Many paths lie ahead of her and thankfully, she hasn't taken a step forward yet. Simply put, she hasn't moved on." Lydia gave me another bottle of water as she continued talking. "We want her to take the right path out of this mess she's in right now."

"Of course, and this is my time to put some pressure on you." I smiled. "You're the only person I could think of that could help her out. Please, Lydia, help her. I don't want her heart to be a ghost town."

"I will not fail on the job that I had been doing for a decade."

"That's the spirit," I joked as we both laughed for a little while.

"And, as your therapist for the second time, I've known you for quite long. This is what you need to do, as I would tell Lauren as well: write it down. Write everything down, from what you feel to what you want her to know. Write it, and don't hold back. No one else is going to know except me."

"And," Lydia continued. "Keep at it. You're doing a fairly good job already, but I'm still your therapist. I will always notice. Just do not overdo it, Ryan, just wait. It'll be over as soon as you know it. I'm heading over for another session."

~~~

So hey there, I know that it's wrong to start off so casually but this is going to happen because of Lydia and some other personal reasons.

I'm kind of wondering about how you got along with Lydia today. I hope her efforts weren't in vain; sometimes she does things she doesn't realise but that's part of her. Like the wires in a circuit.

I haven't forgotten what you said, maybe that's on your mind. I'm still standing by my word, that voicemail came from my heart. That was where my hope was put in. To be honest, I don't know what state you're even in right now. I'll let you decide if that's fair.

Oh yeah, Cameron. His persistence still amazes me. Whatever he's telling you to keep doing, keep at it. No one's able to say no to him. I'm betting he knows about what I've been doing, that I've thought about the sessions.

I'm not forgetting that grin he always makes when he manages to persuade you to do something. Keep that grin on his face.

I've damaged you big this time, and whether this turns out successful is completely up to you. I hope that my hope, what I believe in, clearly made you know that I've settled my place in this.

Please take Lydia seriously. There's nothing more horrible than doing that but I want you to see it in her. Inside those sudden moments of immaturity, there's something there I hope you witness and see. It's the very reason I chose Lydia for this.

Well, if it's really that horribly bad, I'm assuming you at least listen to some parts here and there. Who's the more stubborn of us now, I wonder?

But of course, this all depends on your trust on me. My actions prove the other way round but,

but,

nevermind.

Just remember that this was my decision. It was me who walked that day, and even though I decide not to, sometimes communication is inevitable.

I've got a lot to spill out, but I'll just shorten this to some reminders for you.

Please listen to Lydia, her brutality will pay.

Don't blame yourself; it's my decision.

Don't do anything that'll harm you more than now. Please.

Stay safe, this is just the third day out of the Twenty Days. I wanted to stop myself from saying this but, I do miss you a lot. A lot could happen in the span of twenty days, please go through the path I'm paving with all my heart for you.

(Work In Progress)