Sad one shots

*censored* Shot 7

This is my rape story.
Don't read if you are weak-minded.

and to inform my readers, there are many different types of rape.

People may wonder why I am writing it and putting it on a website to where many people can read it, but getting it out and just putting it out on the table will help me.

I was naive. It was going into my sophomore year of high school and mind you all that I am now a freshman in college. I was too trusting. Never seen the bad of the world and never thought that I would be so dumb or so afraid to stop it.

It was the summer going into my sophomore year of high school and my cousin from Texas had came down to stay with us for a few days. My twin and I had grown up with my cousin when we were younger but things eventually started to get into the way of seeing one another. He is the same age as us but grew up to be a big and stocky boy. We all had such a great time with one another in the beginning of his trip down. We all played video games together, watched movies, and laughed while having fun. It was the last night of his trip and he had been sleeping on a couch which I know wasn't all too comfortable. Now let me tell you about my room... my room was big and to fill up space I had a queen sized bed. I only sleep on half of my bed so I felt sorry for my cousin. I was laying in bed ready to go to sleep in my big t-shirt that covered my butt and spandex. I then felt sorry for my cousin so I decided to get up and go talk to him. I opened my door and walked to the couch that he was sleeping on and offered him the other half of my bed to sleep on for his last night of staying at our house. He quickly accepted and he followed me back to my room.

I should've stopped there. I should've took back my words. Or maybe I should've offered to trade places with him.

But he followed me back to my room and I quickly claimed my side of the bed and decided that my day was long enough and that I should just go to sleep. Not much later I was knocked out in my bed with my cousin on the other half.

I woke up in the middle of the night. I woke up confused. I knew i didn't fall asleep with someone wrapped around me. My cousin took it upon himself to put himself in the "spooning" position with me and when I woke up he quickly reacted and took his hands off of me except for the arm that was underneath my head. I can promise that I truly am a hard sleeper and I always have been, so maybe he thought he was going to get away with whatever he was wanting to do. But me thinking that there is no such thing as my cousin wanting my body, I went to fall back asleep only to find out that I really couldn't go back to sleep

I laid there. With my eyes closed. And he turned right back to where he was spooning me and put his hands around me. I started to become alert to what was happening. But I was scared so I laid there. I just fucking laid there. He took his hands and started to grope me. He fucking thought that it was okay to use his sleeping cousin as his "first times" he grabbed my boobs and he tried to touch my vagina. He put his hands underneath my clothes and touched me. And I just fucking laid there. I laid there scared that if I fought him, he would hurt me. I didn't think I had a chance to fight him so I did NOTHING!!!!! and I hate myself still to this day for it. I was so scared to move. Finally at one point I gathered enough courage to "wake up" and I went to the living room. I didn't sleep for the rest of that night.

As soon as my mom woke up I told her and my family has never seen them again. I still don't sleep a full night to this day. I used to wake up 5-7 times a night for probably 2 straight years and it has gone down since then, but things like that will never leave your mind. Even if you really aren't thinking of it, your body still remembers.

Here's an Up-to-date situation with this.. he has requested to follow me on twitter and I haven't declined or accepted. I just stare at it. Not being able to do anything. I view his profile and see his life nowadays. But I can't seem to accept or decline. If I accept it I would message him. I would ask why. I would tell him how much he impacted my life and how he still does. How I don't want him in my life and never want to speak or to see or to hear from or about him again. But... I just stare.

A new update.. a month has went by and I still stare only thinking of how badly I want to know why. I just need to know why, but I just stare. I can't seem to face him even though I'm really not even facing him in person. Who would have an idea that I would still feel as scared of him as I did that night? And I just don't understand. If I see someone who has a body like his or resembles him in any way I shy away. I become intimidated by someone I do not even know.

My last update on this. A few weeks passed since the last update of this a I finally messaged him. He doesn't even remember. He does not even know what he has done to me. Something that makes me not be able to sleep. Something that makes me shy away from guys like him. It's sad. It is actually pretty damn sad how much it impacted me and how it did nothing to him.