Katherine

april

-28

I want to wear shorts and tank tops but I also want to tear my skin to shreds. taking the blades out of a razor is a habit.

It feels so odd to be happy sometimes. I'm so used to feeling down, like being sad is an everyday routine. Do you eer just feel like no matter how many friends you make, you're alone. I don't know maybe it's just me.

I had this dream the other day. ~

"DAMN IT KATHERINE!" my mother screams stomping into my room

"SO YOU'RE A LITTLE FUCKING SLUT NOW HUH?! YOU AND YOUR LITTLE BOYFRIEND, NOAH BEEN FUCKIN' AROUND?"

"w-what?" I managed to say. I could smell the vodka on her breath just like when I was younger

"WHAT HAVE YOU AND NOAH BEEN UP TO?! DO NOT MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF!" She screamed again

"Nothing. I-I promise mum" I cried

"IM NOT STUPID KATHERINE DIANE REED I WANT THE TRUTH!"

"I don't even know why your accusing me of sleeping around. I'm not a little hoe like you were, getting pregnant your junio-" I was cut off by a cold hand meeting my cheek.

"Do it. fight back" I told myself. Before I could talk myself out of it, I got up and before I knew it there was a blade to my hand that was slightly connected to her throat. The same blade that caused all the cuts and scars on my body.

"I know excactly where to cut. When the bleeding starts, it's impossible to stop"

right then I woke up. Drenched in sweat. The blade from last night still in my hands. Terrified & scarred.

I have those dreams almost every night. They seem so.. real. Sometimes the dreams are about Noah, which scares me even more.

******