Coffee Shop

VI

Edit 1: 02/09/2018
Edit 2: 28/02/2023

4th December 2020, 15:50
"Did you do all this? Put a single red rose in the centre of each grave?" Sage quietly asked, scanning the area in wonder.

We were now sat on the cold and damp grass of the graveyard, but we did not care. Stiffly, we sat cross legged side by side. Yes, I realise I only really met and spoke to Sage properly today, heck, I don't even know what his last name is, but I deeply craved the company. I can feel myself breaking. I think I know what Adalson meant now.

In my lectures earlier today, the words Adalson had uttered kept intruding my thoughts, distracting me from my work.

Caring.

Caring lets you go far in life when you care for others. They will care for you in return, if you choose to look out for the right person. But if you care a little too much, you can start to break when you don't receive the same amount of care, or someone does one tiny wrong move, and you're gone. Broken. Broken beyond repair.

I'm about to be broken beyond repair for my care for those who are already gone. For people I can't care for anymore, never cared for because I never knew them.

Adalson was talking about my care. He want's me to carry on caring, but he's worried I'm caring too much.

Care. What a beautiful and ugly word. You can care for someone and they will feel loved, someone can care for you and make you feel loved, or, you can receive no care back and feel neglected, how cruel.

"Yeah," I quietly answered, my eyes still downcast. "Every three months," I added.

"That's really nice and caring of you, but aren't you caring a little too much for people who can't feel anymore?" Sage began, staring intently at the bouquet of ten roses. "I don't want to sound insensitive, but that's a lot of money and time on people who are no longer on earth anymore. Why do you still care about them so much? You never knew them when they were alive," Sage truthfully spoke, glancing at me, awaiting my response.

There it is again. The word or thought of the day. Care. His question. I can't answer fully because I don't truly know the answer myself.

"I don't know. I just feel like I should. Just because they are dead does not mean they should be forgotten," I half answered, unable to transform my thoughts into words.

"But what about Alizerin. She passed only a couple of days ago, she wont be forgotten for a long time," Sage tried to reason.

"I don't know Sage, okay? I don't know!" I grunted, becoming frustrated. Not at Sage, but at myself. Why do I care more about the dead than the living? Shouldn't I care about those who live while I still can?

"I guess... I don't know, I guess I just want the others to still feel loved. People like Cerise. She passed in the eighteen hundreds," I attempted to elaborate, trying to keep my thoughts coherent. "No family descendant in the world now will know who she is, so I feel the need to visit her, make her feel remembered." I stated, calming down.

"But they can't feel," Sage rather bluntly spoke.

"You don't know that! No one knows that!" I burst, standing up from my seated position, stretching my limbs.

Turning my back on Sage as I heard him stand up too, I stumbled around the graveyard slowly.

"No one knows. You don't know, I don't know. What happens after death. What is life after death?" I began, pausing for half a second, not allowing Sage to answer. "You can't answer that. People like to be in charge and know the answer to everything, putting science behind it all, but are they true?"  I blurted, wanting to get everything off my chest.

"How can we all be so certain of things? I mean, take the structure of an atom for example," I carried on, turning around to walk backwards so I could face Sage who appeared to have a confused expression plastered on his face. "Over time, the structure of the atom changed by different people because of new inventions and new ideas, all of which lead us to be stuck with the atom we have now," I hurriedly explained.

"But what if it's not true? Then have all the scientists been teaching everyone who has an education the wrong thing? What in the world is confirming that that is the structure of an atom?" I ranted breathlessly. "It's us who came up with the idea. The idea that that is what an atom looks like," I continued, facing forwards once again to stride around the graveyard, weaving between the decaying leaves and dilapidating graves.

"However, in thousands of years, the structure of an atom could change. Maybe a scientist spots a small mistake in today's research, using new, better, more accurate instruments and experiments, allowing them to see the mistake, the mistake that made our atom look like what it does today," I slowly spoke, wondering if I made any sense. "That wrong decimal point in the wrong place, and the whole number changes," I paused to catch my breath from my long outburst.

"A thousand years from today and the structure could be different and the structure we have now will be considered wrong and not the answer, but it's the answer now because that's all we have, and we will believe in anything, to have something to believe in," I whispered, looking at my feet.

"So, you don't know what happens after death. No one does and no one will. The answer to everything we say is never one hundred percent true, even if it's a simple question like, 'how are you?'" I attempted to further elaborate, maybe trying to convince myself. "You say you're fine or not, but there's more to your feelings that you can't put words to," I finished, turning my head to look at Sage in the eye.

"I'm sorry, I just... I just... I'm sorry. I went off on a little tangent there," I apologised while Sage stared at me, thinking.

"I'm kind of confused with what you're saying," Sage finally replied after a minute, scratching the back of his neck. "You're claiming that there is no true answer for everything in the world, even if we have scientific evidence, because it could be wrong, which is why we'll never find out about something, which includes what happens after death?" Sage queries, trying to clarify what I meant.

In truth, I don't truly know what I myself was talking about.

"I'm sorry, it's getting late, Adalson will close the gate soon, we should go." I deadpanned, walking to the entrance of the gate with Sage by my right side.

We walked in a comfortable silence down the street, both trying to decipher what I meant, but of course, we'll never find the true answer.

"So um, I gotta get the bus back to my place. It was very... thought provoking, my time with you. I'll see you again tomorrow?" Sage asked as he stood by the bus stop. Coming to a halt, I pivoted on my right foot to look at him.

"I don't know. Depends on your actions. Bye, Sage," I simply answered with a slight shrug.

Tilting my head up, I scanned the grey sky. It's going to rain or snow again. I hope it's rain so it can make the snow leave.

Diverting my eyesight back in front, I carried on trudging to my two roomed apartment, leaving Sage behind to wait for his bus.

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Quite a bit has been edited in this because cRINGE.

Please don't argue or question what I said in this because I honestly don't know myself. I went of on a tangent which is why Xandra doesn't have an answer to what she said cause neither do I. We both went on a tangent about death, science and atoms.

Also, be prepared for a few time skips, or just one time skip. Pay attention to the dates!

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