#RiseAbove Nasty Words

I Did

     We were best friends and I was without a doubt in love with him. He came up to me when everyone walked away. I never expected him to betray me, to turn on me the way he did. 

     On the first day of grade 9, Elijah Conners sat beside me in our English class when I was afraid that I would spend the year sitting alone. I knew I was "that girl" but he didn't seem to care. We exchanged snapchats and that night he sent me a meme that he thought I would find funny. I did and we stayed up until three that morning, chatting and sending memes back and forth. Months passed and I started to notice that my heart would skip a beat whenever his name lit up on my phone. I realized that I was slowly falling for him but I knew he saw me as just a friend. I was there for him through his countless break ups, just wanting with all my heart to scream "Date me! I love you! Why don't you love me?"  But I held my tongue. I told myself that these feelings would pass because if I told him I was in love with him, it would be awkward from then on. I held my tongue for years, but these feeling only grew. 

     At the beginning of grade 11, my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer and so in support, I shaved my head. I lost count at how many stares and whispers I got and someone even had the audacity to direct message me on Instagram, telling me I look like "a fucking shitty ass egg." I didn't reply and blocked him, just brushing it off; Then I got another and another, some even told me that I'd be better off dead. Block. Block. Block. Just brush it off. Forget about it. Don't do anything and they'll forget about you. They didn't forget about me.

     Months passed and one day, I went to my locker after my second period only to find a dozen or so eggs smashed against my locker. Elijah heard about it later. 

     "Why didn't you tell me?"

     "It's not important. It's just a bunch of jerks with a carton of eggs. It's not important." I didn't know who I was trying to convince, him or me. Still I couldn't help it anymore. I broke down and told him everything. "I don't know what I did to deserve this," I sobbed and he hugged me. I guess it just slipped out.

     "Mia," Elijah recoiled from me, suddenly leaving me cold. "I-I don't feel the same way," he said and walked down the hall. 

     He opened both my snapchats and my texts, but he didn't respond. My heart started pounding harder when my phone told me he was typing, but broke seconds later.

     Maybe it'd be better for all of us if you just killed yourself.

      I did.