The Stupidest Thing I've Ever Written

No

AN: YAY PART 2, it's still stupid but my favorite character exists so yay.

   "So where exactly are we going?" I finally thought to ask after around 2 hours of traveling what I now knew was north. Sidon gave me a perplexed look and said loudly (well he said everything loudly) "I thought the Amonians would give you the location of the beast we must face, fellow hero of our people." I paled at the mention of "the beast we must face" but said tentatively, "My people aren't the most... informative."

Sidon nodded in what I doubted was understanding. "The location my leaders gave me was a place called the Northern Cavern, to, of course, the north. I was told to go around the edge of the Amona territory and through the land of the creatures known as the ichthyosaurs, then we will reach our destination." I shuddered at the thought of encountering the ichthyosaurs, as they were horribly polite beasts that came in all sizes, members of the unpronounceable names clubs and enemy of my species. This would end in flames, I predicted, even though we were sea creatures living in the ocean. Didn't you humans in 2017 just discover flammable ice?

Sidon went on boasting about how he had defeated millions of ichthyosaurs in his days, which I of course knew was a lie. It was likely the belemnite had never seen a ichthyosaur, as he and his species tended to live in the south, but he provided some interesting conversation as we swam in the general direction of our destination and our doom.

Some might ask how you know when you enter another species' self declared territory, or how we decided who got what area. The answer to the latter is easy to answer as it is simply whoever can yell mine the loudest, arrives there first or does both get claim to that territory. But how we mark them varies with species, in Amona we line our border with lots and lots of pebbles, and the belemnites tend to use the shiniest shells available in whatever location they're staying at as they tend to travel a lot. The ichthyosaurs have more unique fashion choices and line their borders with the bones of there dead.. Ichthyosaurs have surprisingly short life spans. I shuddered as we swam hesitantly past the bones. I glanced around wildly, careful to keep my guard up. I felt that at any second someone would jump out and attack.

"Okay," I whispered, more to myself than Sidon, "we're going to have to stealth our way through this, we can't let them know we're here, now remember though it is a little known fact the ichthyosaurs have extremely heightened heari-"

"HEY FIN-HEADS IT IS I SIDON OF THE BELEMNITES COME AND FACE THE PERSON WHO WILL DEFEAT YOU!"

"You are an idiot," I hissed, "C'mon we have to get out of here before-" But the ichthyosaurs were already swimming towards us.

"What do we have here?" Mused a large ichthyosaur who was swimming towards us slowly. Behind him was a cluster of about 10 others. It all seemed very cliché to me. "An Amonain and belemnite traveling together? Weren't they at war last time we checked, Mako?" The largest ichthyosaur in front asked what seemed to be his second command. As he circled us I caught sight of a jagged scar crossing over his left eye.

"No, sir, that was twenty years ago, sir. They have seemed to settle for a petty feud, sir." The unnamed leader of the group growled, scowling at us with so much malice I began to wonder if I had ever wronged him personally. After what seemed like years of silence one of his followers spoke up and asked, "So, are we going to eat them, boss?" The leader nodded saying, "I guess so."

I had to think fast. I had to make up for my now silent companion's stupidity. I thought back to when I was mentally complaining to myself about the ichthyosaurs and an idea came to mind.

"Did you know," I spoke up, diverting all the attention to myself, "It's considered extremely impolite to kill someone before... um... consulting them on where they wish to die!"

The leader frowned around his large would-probably-be-very-painful teeth. "Hmm," he pondered, "well, we wouldn't want to seem impolite, would we? Where do you two wish to be made the meal of Prince Dorado of the ichthyosaurs and his companions?" So I told him how it had always been my dream to die in the northernmost area of the territory belonging to the all mighty ichthyosaurs. I made up lavish tales of how every member of my species wished to die in such a glorious location at the hands of the great Prince Dorado. I had never lied so much in my life. But as they were also horribly gullible along with being polite they believed me and brought us to the northern edge of their territory which happened to be a rugged cliff that overlooked a colossal cavern.

"So," Dorado said, "now that we have politely relocated you to your prefered place to die we can eat you, correct?" We were so dead. I wasn't going to get the honor of dying to this fabled white whale. But as my life flashed before my eyes my companion decided to decide to get us out of the mess he got us into.

"While you have complied to the wishes of the lowly peasant that has been following me, you have rudely failed to fulfil the dreams of the amazing Sidon of the belemnites. I demand at once you grant my dying wish of falling off an ocean ledge with a peasant to see who sinks to the bottom fastest! You can, of course, come and retrieve us once we've landed safely on the bottom." It was admittedly a clever plan, ichthyosaurs weren't too keen on heights. But it would most likely end in certain death for us as we had no idea how deep the ditch was or what awaited us down there. So it was equally an idiotic idea.

Prince Dorado frowned once again, as if he was concerned for the lives of his dinner. He gave a resigned sigh before speaking, "If we drop you down there the albino beast will surely eat you first. But if it is truly your dying wish, and you promise you'll come back..." Before I could even scream Dorado of the ichthyosaurs waved his giant flipper and pushed us of the cliff where we sank slowly to the bottom.