The Loner's Journal

28. Empty

I hope you know you're not alone in that hell
And there ain't, no
No one can change it
No one can do it better but yourself 

~Lukas Graham

The house feels so empty without Symara... No arguing, no yelling, no chaos, no drama... It's honestly weird. Craziness was a normality for me ever since she was born. I guess it kind of became home. I don't know why she's gone, but the only craziness I hear about her now is how her biological father desires custody of a child that he can't even spell the name of, and how he desires to "bust a cap" into the institution she was taken to by the police. What kind of shit is this? The immaturity this man has gotten to is ridiculous. He does nothing for her in all honesty, but that's none of my business.

On my birthday, I went to school, and when my mom picked me up she was on the phone with someone from the institution, and how long she was going to be gone... The last memory I have of seeing her is that morning complaining about how much she didn't want to go to school. She only feels that way because she's not used to waking up in the morning, putting on a uniform, and going to learn due to the fact that she always ends up getting kicked out and starting more bullshit. Bullshit became my family's life.

I can't understand... I guess I never will. I have too much consideration for other people's lives to completely fuck up their way of thinking and their sense of sanity... I guess I'll try to get used to this soberness. I have to if I want to survive this year or maybe it won't be a whole lifeless year. Maybe she'll snap out of the state of mind she has, but doesn't that mean things still won't be the same? I have to prepare for the change. I really hate change sometimes, but I really hope that where she's at helps her realize how what she does affects her, her family, her future, and everyone that cares about her.