People tend to believe I'm more emotional than I really am. Like they believe I get hung up on stuff, but I don't. It's not that I'm not emotional, it's just that Ive learned to put things in perspective between how the world treats me, and how things really are.
I know I do this cause In the past four years I can't recall being down on myself or sad about something that's not in my control for more than about 6 hours.
Furthermore, I don't think about the past either.
I don't see the point in dwelling over what happened to me 5 months ago or what happened three years 2 months a week and a day ago either. It's meaningless to give meaning to these arbitrary moments you don't favor, or to moments that no longer have meaning. I've lived a rather happy life living this way.
But no one lives life with my philosophy on how to handle things. They are too caught up hating themselves that they ruin moments of now. They tend to over analyze and become paranoid that every single thing somehow ties back to them that their view of the world becomes so distorted they end up stabbing at their own jugular with words they mend to hang themselves on.
Hypercritical when they really want to be self-deprecating.But the sad part is that there isn't anything to do to help or convince them that they aren't how they see themselves.You could call them beautiful, but they perceive it as An empty compliment filled with intention.You could tell them how much they mean to you and how they are literally the best person to ever come into your life and mean it from the bottom of your heart, yet they'd rather see something arbitrary and give it a negative meaning that fits the mold of something against them, But once again the sad part is that there is nothing you can do.Because loving someone who hates themselves is a special kind of violence, a fight within their bones, a war within their bloodstream. You can only hope that you don't get mistaken for an enemy as you sit in a storm of friendly fire. You usually end up being mistaken tho.
For example, This girl I talk to everyday seems to think I'm after one thing...sex. Yet, she knows I'm not and still somehow finds arbitrary things to put me in the mold of something that's going to use her and one day walk away. Everything relates to her. Even things from my past that I did when I didn't know her still makes her imagination go wild. She's too caught up with finding reasons to hate herself that it forced me to walk away. Leaving behind so much, yet nothing at all.
