Temporary Villain (Katsuki X Izuku) (fem Deku)(KatsuDeku)

Suicide and Scars Part Dos

A/N I got my inspiration from an AMV with the song I'll be Good with an anime movie dealing with suicide.

(Part two of last chapter)
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Katsuki POV

I did this to Deku? It's all my f*cking fault. God damn it why am I so dense?! Deku was going through all this while I just f*cked off!? Also about that Kiss I can't even remember it! I would definitely remember something like that. I mean have you seen Deku?! She's pretty damn f*cking Dorable. While I was doing whatever the hell I was doing she was going through this? Gosh I think I f*cking Love her. I need her in my damn life. ugh! Whoever took Deku needs to hurry the f*ck up and give her ass back. This damn diary is making me feel things I rather not. She tried to commit suicide and it was because of me? I let the words sink in and sweat started to form in my eyes. It was DEFINITELY sweat okay! A few drops of sweat just f*cking happened to fall in the diary. I felt like I was suffocating. Her thoughts. Her actions. Her everything made me love her. Now she's been f*cking taken by the League of Villains?!

"FUCK!!!"

Gosh I'm angry and I feel so empty but I can't just stop reading the diary. It's her's. Her last thoughts. Her last words. And how she really felt about me. Turning back to the diary I noticed the pages leading up to her suicide and now the recent implied suicide looked to have been torn out and were now taped in? The hell? Oh well I figure that sh*t out later. Glimpsing at the page I noticed this one had blood splotches, makeup, and tears on it.
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I was too worthless to defend against the bullies. I never cut my hair. Just like Kacchan said. I was touched in places you should never be touched by peers, strangers, and old creepy men. At least I still had my virginity but not my dignity. After Kacchan ignored me things got worse. I was constantly bullied by the girls and boys and touched inappropriately by both. The girls would grope my chest checking to see if their bust was bigger. Usually the other girls' weren't as big so they would shove me to the ground and even pull out my hair. The boys would beat me and leave me bleeding and bruised. Some even kissed me and tried to do things against my will. Luckily for me it didn't matter who I kissed since my first kiss already went to Kacchan. There was one time where a man came close to ending my pure virginity. He had grabbed me into an alley and thrown me into a dark room. Using his quirk he ripped my clothes off of me leaving me with a tattered bra and underwear. He touched me on my chest. Licked my neck and whispered pet names even having the nerve to take my head roughly in his grip and bite my lips. He forced his way onto me, I thought I was done. Touching my butt with his long slimy fingers. I fought back of course but he had a type of gas quirk which made my movements sloppy like a drug of sorts. Crying throughout the whole time and shivers of fear rolled down my spine. I was in the middle of a panic attack and started to fade out and in of consciousness...
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Sorry my mom came in so I had to stop writing my diary entry.
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Anyways this was the first time I discovered I had a quirk, a deadly one at that. I had no control over what happened I flew into a blind rage. I can't remember what I even did I just know I did it. The man who had been touching me now lay dead in a pool of blood. I did that. It was me. How could I ever be a hero now? I sobbed and held the man's lifeless body and felt the blood trickle on to me. I couldn't stay like that and luckily I encountered All Might who gave me clothes and a shower. As well as clearing my name of any future accusations of second degree murder. Even though I told him what I did he still thought I could be a hero. Maybe I could? Probably not, Kacchan wouldn't like that. Yet guilt still consumed me. I left without my dignity.
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(Back to Katsuki)
Damn Deku what the hell has life put you through? Where the hell was I? And a quirk like strength enhancement? Was sh*tty Deku really telling the truth? Even forgiving that pervy man? If she hadn't killed him I sure of hell would have. Just reading that I felt sweat form on my hands and small explosions crackled from them. I was pissed off. But with nothing to punch I could only scream out my anger. I ran out of the apartment and as soon as I did I punched the nearest wall which shattered into millions of pieces. After "cooling" off I went back inside to finish my reading.
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Today I placed a cut on my pale skin. It's dark red now. I can't take it. Between the bullies and what happened everything seems so dark. They wouldn't notice though since I constantly smile and maintain a positive aura. Maybe Kacchan really forgot about me since he obviously hasn't noticed the change in me. I leave the scars covered with bandages. It's actually quite convenient that I get bullied so I have excuses to put on the bandages. The only person who knows was a sensei and she didn't do a damn thing.
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The kids are starting to notice. I don't care. I really don't. The bullying has even stopped for awhile. I scare them now. Kacchan is my only source of light. The only thing keeping me going. At least he treats me like a normal human being.
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The pills in my mom's medicine cabinet are starting to look really appetizing. Kacchan whom I love so much is the best. Some people you just can't save.
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I have nightmares every night of Kacchan dying. Sometimes he's killed by THE man and then sometimes I find myself about to be raped. That man haunts my dreams. I see myself standing as a villain over his dead body sometimes it's my classmates and sometimes even Kacchan. It really scares me. I hear the words: monster, freak, quirkless, whore, hoe, ugly, sleaze, prostitute on a constant rerun. I wake up screaming and my mother's not home usually because of work. When she is, she can be found sleeping. She won't wake up for nothing not even my screams. Lucky Me I guess.
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I told my mom about the nightmares I'm on medication for it now. Kacchan is my one and only love. Even if we don't talk much I occasionally see him staring at me. Almost like he's worried. Almost.
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It would be ironic if I took the same medication that "prevented" me from having nightmares. Maybe it would be my answer to my problems. Then instead of nightmares it would be a nice long peaceful sleep.
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Kacchan knows. He knows that I have scars. Even asked 'who the fuck' did it. I really love him. I lied of course. He got mad of course. To shut him up I simply shoved him and ran. He chased me but I was too far ahead to catch.