After Tyler drifts off to sleep, I stay with him to keep him warm—or at least that’s my excuse. I feel very protective over Tyler, and I’ve grown quite fond of him over the past couple of months. Hell, I might even be falling for him.
I think I’m slowly winning him over as well, seeing as how he used to want nothing to do with me, and tried to escape any chance he got; now, he’s living here permanently, and he seems happy.
I watch as he lightly stirs in his sleep, his eyelids fluttering rapidly; he’s dreaming. Smiling, I lightly brush a lock of his brown hair to the side, getting a small whiff of his scent. It used to tempt me, making it difficult to be too close to him, but my love for him has trumped my urges, and it doesn’t bother me anymore.
He looks so peaceful in his sleep. That jaded look of fear and exhaustion, and forced facade of strength that he usually has in his eyes—that type of strength you only get when you’ve really been through hell—is nonexistent when he’s asleep. Instead, his face looks calm and serene, unaffected by the ghosts of his past.
I watch his lips slightly part as he breathes in short pants, and I think about how much I want to kiss him. During the short amount of time we’ve been living together, I’ve been slowly developing deeper feelings for him. I want to say he feels the same, but I’m not so sure, and I can’t risk losing him over a hopeful hunch.
I believe that if he just had someone to truly love him, unconditionally, that maybe it would make his life better—his situation easier. I still don’t know what the little “situation” was that made things so troubling for him that he was prompted to take his own life, as he still won’t tell me, and any time I’ve asked about it, he’s been purposely obscure; but how can I ask him to be truthful with me, and share all of the deep, dark secrets of his past, when I myself have so many of my own that I’m not willing to share? Secrets about what I am, secrets about my past—about Henry. . .
I’m interrupted from my reverie when I feel a cold shiver run down my spine, and all of a sudden, it’s like an overwhelming force is in the room with us. I lift my head slightly to look around the room, but see nothing. I start to get up to investigate, but forget all about the weird feeling when Tyler buries his face into my neck, and pulls me in closer. It is so sweet and endearing, and makes me feel so wanted, for the first time in a while.
This boy—this one human boy—does things to me I can't describe. He makes me feel things—things I haven’t felt in such a long time—things I thought I had lost the ability to feel long ago. When I’m with him, he sparks a rush in my chest, like electricity, warming my cold core from within, and radiating outward until I feel like I’m glowing. My once frozen heart has been thawed by him.
As I gaze down at Tyler, I have the sudden, overwhelming urge to kiss him. Sliding down to his level, I place my hand on his cheek, his warm skin feeling hot against my cold fingers. I finally cave into weakness.
Breathing nervously, I gently bring my lips to his; so gently, it’s as if I am afraid to break him. Pulling away, I smile, stroking his cheek with the back of my finger, and I slowly drift off to sleep, basking in his body’s warmth, just happy to be near him.
I wake up to the cloying stench of cigarette smoke. It’s incredibly strong, causing me to gag. I’m about to get up to investigate the source, when something stops me. Every nerve ending in my body is on high alert, and my gut is telling me that something is off. The atmosphere in the room is now heavy and intrusive, with an all-encompassing darkness that’s so thick, it's palpable. I feel Tyler’s body suddenly get tense against mine, as he starts making distressful noises in his sleep.
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