Tattooed

P!nk Perfect

XXXIV

"Last night, I almost used again," Zach spoke before anyone had been asked to speak, before Kayla had even greeted them. "I know I'm speaking out of turn, but I have to get this out before I decide against it."

Everyone remained quiet. Jordan looked at him curiously while Chester and Rita sat next to each other and looked at him glumly. There was a man he'd seen before but couldn't put a name to the face, along with a new girl.

"My girlfriend left me, and it looks like she's with someone else now. I guess I deserve it; I'm not really boyfriend material, when you think about it. I've made some fucked up decisions when it comes to girls, and let me tell you something, girls are a whole lot more confusing when you're using.

"To summarize, I slept with my ex while I was with my girlfriend. Yes, I was high. Yes, I don't remember what the hell happened that night. No, I did not want it to happen, but I probably participated anyway. I don't know what to do, but I know this is very fucked up. Hell, I'd break up with me if I could. Now all I want to do is give up, get high and just fuck it. I don't care anymore, about anything, about being clean, about this group session, about life in general.

"It was so simple. I had two things I had to give priority to, just two small little things. And I couldn't even keep up that much. All I had to do was keep my girlfriend happy, which also includes not cheating on her, and paint my way to graduation." He paused to laugh humourlessly. "All I had to do was that much. I messed up. I messed up my chance to be with the best girl in the world. I'm messing up my chances at the best showcasing in the country. I'm messing up my chances of even remaining a credited painter.

"I couldn't paint a decent painting without getting high, that's how I started getting high in the first place. It was so simple, get high, paint and get good grades. Then I met her, the smartest and prettiest woman in the world. Yes, she's a woman. She's older than me, and she's wonderful. She's why I'm here. She's the reason I'm hanging on by a thread. She taught me how to have sober fun, how to live without getting high, feel good without getting high. I owe her everything. Everything I am now is thanks to her.

"How do I repay her? I get high; I cheat her and break her heart."

For some time, he wondered if there was much else to say.

"I'm so angry, with myself, with that other guy, with her. What do I do now?" he asked helplessly, needy and sad. "How can I paint when I'm so messed up? I can't even think straight anymore, let alone paint. Sure, my family's got my back, and I've got... friends backing me up. But so what? She's gone, and she's not coming back. She's even moving on, and why shouldn't she? She deserves to be happy.

"You know, she knew from the second she saw me that I was high. She cared enough to slap some sense into me when I was delirious. She cared enough to pick me off the streets, though, in the pouring rain. She was the only one who cared enough to entertain me when I didn't want to be alone with my pathetic self.

"Now, it's over. It's all over. I'm a miserable fuck up and it's over."

The man next to him laid a hand on his shoulder a moment later. He gripped his shoulder hard, forcing him to look up. "If it's alright with you, I'd like to tell you something."

Zach was quiet.

"Go ahead Sam," Kayla answered softly.

A deep breath later, the man called Sam spoke his story.

"I was an abusive drunk before I met the woman of my dreams. I thought for sure she'd leave me after seeing me, the real me, and she did.

"She called the cops on me. She got me into this program. She gave me a new life. She couldn't have found a better way to do it. Leaving me was probably the only way she could've smacked some sense into me. I'm not saying I'm all better now, but at least I'm not an alcoholic freak anymore."