You Are Enough [Sandor Clegane]

VII

❝If this was meant for me
why does it hurt so much?❞

♔

My throat became raw as I screamed out. The moment his body fell limped to the ground was the moment a part of me died. All rationality escaped me as I broke free of the knight who took hold of me, falling to the ground as if I could somehow bring him back to me. Matthias no longer had his head, I tried reaching for it, trying to put it back in it's rightful place. Sobbing over him until I felt an arm wrap around me pulling me away. Screaming louder and kicking like a child I tried to go back to him. Tears blurred my vision as I kept begging to the gods to bring him back. The pain in my chest was so painful that it hurt to breathe. Every breath I took was the reminder that he could no longer do the same.

I was pushed down on a bed, hiccupping I took a look up to who I was with. Sandor. Another sob broke through me as I reach forward for him. I wanted to be held. I wanted him to hold me. He kneeled before me on the ground allowing me to wrap my arms around his neck, not bothering to move a muscle as he just kneeled there.

"I'm going to kill them", I tried to say but my words were broken and stuttered, "I'm going to kill every single Lannister, they all deserve to die."

Sandor didn't say anything, for once he had nothing to say towards a killing remark. Matthias was dead, never to return. Eddard Stark was dead also. My heart flooded with grief towards his two girls who had no one else here. Every fiber in my numb body wanted to leave, yet the pang of guilt I could feel emerging as I knew I would have to leave the girls behind.

"Crying isn't going to bring them back." Sandor pulled my arms away from him as he stood to his full height, "You need to get the fuck out of this shit place, before they decide to take your head too."

"I can't. I can't leave, without the Stark sisters. Sandor please you need to help me."

"Forget about them, they won't do you any good."

I leaned forward forcing his hand into mine as tears still streamed feely down my face, "then help me protect them. Please, I will never ask of anything of you ever again. If you just do me this one favor. I beg of you."

"You said that one another time, yet here I stand doing another favor", a grunt escaped him as I began to recall our first proper conversation. My heart swelled at the memory, how it felt like years ago when it was merely a few months.

Sandor walked over to where a bowl of water and towel sat on my vanity from earlier this morning. Walking back to where I stayed on the bed, he began to use the water in order to wipe the blood that stained my hands and part of my face. Looking at him now, my tears slowly stopped as I realized that I'm not alone. I had him. I had Sansa and Arya. I wouldn't dare lose any of them.

-

The days that followed were numb. Cersei no longer requested my audience, if she had I fear I would of tried to strangle her. Sansa would only appear to me after supper, the both of us just sat near one another, neither of us talking. Arya couldn't be found, I prayed for her soul to be safe. Sandor would visit twice a day, always holding a few flowers which he would set on my vanity before taking a seat at the table waiting for me to start a conversation.

Though today I had to leave the safety of my chambers, for it was the prats Name Day. The gown I wore was black that had dark crimson roses embroidered into the fabric, the same flower were weaved into my hair. In my hands I tightly held onto a small bundle of flowers. Holding my head up high as I approached where the royal family and Sansa sat under a tarp. Forcing a smile I bowed my head to the prat.

"How wonderful for you to join us! I've been wondering when you would let us see your beautiful face", Joffrey stated excitedly as he stood up from his chair. I peered over to where Sansa sat, she looked almost lifeless. Joffrey settled a kiss upon my cheek, it took everything in my from jerking away from his touch. I picked out an orange lily and held it out for the new king.

"If I may?" I asked as I gestured towards chest to place the flower on him. Joffrey beamed as he puffed out his chest for me to proceed. Smiling I slowly pinned the flower to him. After I did so, Joffrey turned to say something to Sansa as he did so I took another flower out, this time a blue hyacinth and quickly pressed it into Sandor's palm. I didn't bother to try and glimpse at the man for I didn't need any attention to be drawn. Walking towards Sansa I stood in front of her as Joffrey quickly moved out of my way. Placing a daffodil behind her ear I bent down and kissed her forehead.

Joffrey began to shout for the games to begin. Watching Sandor fight left me almost breathless for every time his opponents sword swung a little to close to my liking I would hold my breath. It wasn't until his fight was over when I noticed that he had the flower I just gave him embedded into his chainmail. Standing up and looking down to where the man Sandor just threw off the building was laying I grimace. He began to be pulled away as his blood smeared the pavement. For a moment I blanked as I watched a young girl begin to clean up the blood. Made me think. Did someone clean Matthias's blood from the stones?

"I only meant, it would be bad luck to kill a man on your name day", Sansa's voice broke me from my internal thoughts as I looked behind me to where she sat next to Joffrey. Following the sound of distress my eyes landed on a small rounded man who was being forced to drink a barrel of whine.

"What kind of stupid peasant superstition" Joffrey questioned, I was almost to speak when someone else's voice entered the conversation.

"The girls right", never before had my head snapped towards another so quickly. Sandor's eyes met mine for a second before turning back to the king, "what a man sows on his name day, he reaps all year."

A smile suppressed my lips as I mouthed a thank you the man. He only nodded in return. The man who was almost drowning in wine was sent away, apparently held the title of the King's Fool thanks to Sansa. Tyrion Lannister's presence stopped me from praising the girl. The dwarf didn't waste time showing his disliking towards his king nephew and then his favoritism towards his other nephew and niece. After he spoke his peace towards Sansa about the loss of her father, his attention was quickly shifted towards me. I felt small as he surveyed me as if expecting me to break.

"I am terribly sorry for your loss. I heard many stories about your dear friend, a honorable man who manage to make his way up in life, from a poor orphan boy in Dorn to the hand of a king. We could all learn something from a man from that", Tyrion stepped forward and gently took my hand in his, "if you ever need anything, please do tell me and I'll try my best to make sure you get what you need."

His apology and request was sincere. The last flower in my hand was a white zinnia. It almost seemed fitting. Kneeling down to the stone ground I slowly tied the stem to one of this armor clasps.

"Thank you Lord Lannister." My smile like his words were sincere as I stood back up. He returned the favor and bowed before taking his leave. My eyes looked back up to Sandor who appeared to have watched the whole event.

A/N Currently dealing with fires near my home and been evacuated twice already. So I don't know when I will be able to update again since the fires aren't letting up. Don't forget that I am still welcome to suggestions and comments on this story.

[UNEDITED]