Tumbling Lights

1

         I am awakened by the sound of screaming, my eyes slowly open. I try to sit up but I can't muster up the strength too. What's going on? Where am I? I take a long breath and wince as pain starts to set in. Although I cannot figure out where it is from. I spot Meredith across from me, wandering like a lost dog. There is blood all over her ripped light blue scrubs and her hair is messy like she just got out of bed. I stare at her head and the dried blood layed on top of it. "Meredith!" I try to yell, but it comes out slurred and weak. I don't sound like myself at all. She looks around cluelessly like she's heard something but can't figure out where from. I yell again forcing myself to be louder than the last time. It doesn't sound like anything, but it's a sound. After a moment of my muffled screaming finally, she looks in my direction.

"LEXIE!" She screams as she drags herself towards me as quickly as she can like a zombie. Her face is pale and she looks like she's gonna throw up. "Meredith" my speech slurs again. I feel the life being slowly sucked out of my body. No, hold on! Meredith is coming, my sister is coming! Meredith bends down beside me and combs my hair out of my face with her fingers like a mother would do to comfort a sick child. "Lexie! Lexie, it's okay, it's okay." Meredith says in a comforting tone, one that tells me she is terrified and miserable like I am. I choose to believe her because there is so little hope to hold onto at the point. I nod my head slowly pretending everything's alright, as tears start to fall down my cheek more frantically. I'm going to die and leave my sister behind. I'm going to die and leave everyone I love behind.

I spot Cristina running towards Meredith and I. When she gets closer to us I notice Marks arm draped on her shoulder helping him walk. "Lexie, oh god you're alive!" Mark yells as he sits down next to me grabbing my head.  I nod my head slowly and give him a weak smile. Maybe I'll survive.  "Lex, hang on... this is not where your story ends! I love you." Mark cries, my mind doesn't understand what he just said, so I continue sitting in silence.

    Meredith sits still next to me with my hand wrapped in hers. Meredith is crying more than I am. That I can tell because my hand is soaked in her tears.  "Lexie, I know." Cristina says like she understands my pain. I've never seen Cristina like this, so kind and concerned. Tears keep falling faster and faster down my face. "Lexie, tell me what hurts!" Cristina finally asks gently and unlike herself as she wipes a single tear from my face. I look around until I meet eyes with her, I don't want to say what I feel. I try to somehow send the message through my eyes like I've heard on movies so many times, but of course, like I thought all along, nothing happens.

"I-I c-can't feel my l-legs!" I say weakly through sobs as Meredith suddenly goes silent and her face turns whiter than it was the second before. I watch Meredith quickly look up at Cristina with a clear look of devistation on her face. This is why I didn't want to say it out loud! Cristina gives Meredith a look and Meredith begins crying again. "Okay Lexie, don't move!" Cristina says as she takes off into a full sprint towards a part of the plane. I don't wonder where she is going, I just shut my eyes and try to take everything in that has happened. My mind is slowly putting the pieces together one by one and I'm terrified.

I've never seen anyone cry like this before. Everyone is crying. Everyone is screaming, Hanging onto what little life we all have left. I don't know who's alive or who's dead. All I know is that I'm probably going to die today. I'm probably going to die today. I try to convince myself that this is some horrible dream that I can't wake up from, but deep down I know that's not the case. Everything is too real. The pain, the fear and the screams are to loud and pure and real to just be my imagination. I can hear Arizona screaming still, I'm only relieved by the loud screeching noise so I know she's alive. I know I'm in bad, but I'm alive, just barley. Im alive.

"Is Derek?" I ask slowly but before I could finish Meredith quickly shakes her head cutting me off like she already knows what I'm going to ask. Is Derek dead? "He's with Arizona!" She says wiping a tear from her eye not letting go of my hand. "Lexie, don't move okay?" Mark repeats trying to keep me calm. I feel my upper body shaking with fear. Clearly it's noticeable because of what Mark said. I hear how shaky Marks voice sounds, I try not to think to much into it though. I'm sure seeing anyone in this position would cause you to panic. "Meredith... I'm scared!" I say calmly through tears. I hear her swallow a sob and squeeze my hand. I feel like a child, so vulnerable and frightened. I don't want anything to happen, I want to freeze time and fast forward to a time that isn't now. But do I have a future? "Lexie, we're gonna get through this okay? It's okay!" She says taking breaths as she cries. I don't know if she even believes herself when she says this. I take a deep jagged breath and squeeze her hand back.

Maybe I'll live to see my niece again. Maybe I'll live to tell Mark how much I really need him to breathe. I might walk down the rows in a white dress one day, I might have a child of my own. But then again, I could just die right here and lose everything today. My thoughts are too much. I am so overwhelmed by trying to understand everything that's going on. So I hold my breath until I pass out.