Death | A Jasper Hale Love Story •PAUSED•

Chapter Three: Sound of Walking Away

So sorry about not updating sooner, I had some personal bullshit I had to deal with, then it took a couple of days to clear it from my mind. Also I wanted this chapter to be perfect, I've been waiting and dreading to reach this chapter. Those who LOVE long ass chapters, you're going to love this one. Please vote and comment, I need to know what you guys think of this one.

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Jasper

The time I spend hunting and feeding from a few herbivores allows me to escape the agony of my decision—turning myself over to my instinct and shutting off my mind. It does not last, only lasting long enough for me to satisfy my burning thirst. The warm blood sloshes around inside me as I race home after midnight. As I run, I feel as if I've lost my ambition in these last few hours. I suppose, in a way, I have.

Maria had made me feel alone, even during the beginning of us being together. I stayed with her for decades, believing that loneliness was natural for us immortals. After I left her, I still felt detached, but I never lost my ambition. There were things that I could see myself striving for, places I desired to visit.

I traveled for years after I wandered away from Peter and Charlotte. I believed that a constant change in surrounding would ease the depression that I had fallen into. I was so wearied by the constant killing—killing anyone, even mere mortals. Having to feel the horror and fear from my prey as I drained the life from them...

Yet, I had to keep killing. I tried to kill less often, but I'd become too thirsty and give in. After a century of instant gratification, I found self discipline... challenging. I managed to build up a control slowly, previously I was killing every few days, but when I found Alice, I could go a week before the burn in my throat would become unbearable.

Alice helped with getting me past my depression, as well as helping me with blend in with the humans; she became my best friend. Her emotions were always up beat, that itself helped me let go of a large portion of hate that I carried with me.

She told me things about the Cullens and about myself—those were her very first visions when she completed her transformation. Alice had already begun feeding from animals, knowing that this would be our lifestyle. When I first fed from a deer, I was repulsed—the flavor was grotesque. Alice told me I'd adjust after the first several hunts and how the carnivores taste better. She smiled knowingly when she stated that mountain lion would be my favorite. She was right of course.

A few more decades passed after we joined Carlisle's family when the depression faded to almost nonexistent. Some days were better than others. I wouldn't feed more than my family, I knew it was a risk, however I needed to prove I wasn't weak. I wasn't happy or sad, I was waiting. At the time I didn't understand what exactly I was waiting for, but I wanted a change, something to make life in this dreadful town more interesting.

A few days later, I didn't have to wait any longer. I found exactly what I was looking for in the form of an elfin-faced girl. I finally met the one my mother told me about when I was human.

A phenomenal, strong willed woman that would stand up to me, who would help me enjoy the little things that life has to offer, and makes me feel complete. My mother was absolutely accurate in describing Lana, although she was off on how long I'd have to wait for her.

I never believed I would feel alone again after I met her. I imagined us being together for the rest of lives once I turned her. The two of us traveling around the world alone and with my family, teaching her how to hunt, helping her find her control so she could be around her family. Though, none of that will come to be, we will never have our forever. Since I have come to the decision to leave her, I feel more alone than ever.