Brown Eyed Boy

Escape (Jared POV)

I heard what Jessie was saying and I knew she was right, but I didn't care. It didn't matter to me anymore what Dylan would or wouldn't have liked. He was gone, no way of coming back and now I was left alone. Dylan was gone and I no longer had anyone I could rely on. My parents were a mess over losing him and might as well have forgotten I existed. The only time they ever really remembered I existed in this past year was when Dylan said we got in another fight. We did have a lot of those and I probably should feel bad about it since most of them were my fault, but I didn't. I didn't actually feel anything except the need to escape. I needed to get away from all these fakes; people who wouldn't give Dylan a second thought if he were still alive. More than anything, I needed to get away from Jessie. She was probably the only one I knew for sure ever cared about Dylan; even worse than that was knowing she still cared about me.

It was because she cared that I continued to hurt her. To anyone else, it wouldn't make sense but it did to me. Back when we were dating and all of this started, she picked up immediately that something was wrong and wouldn't drop it when I said everything was fine. She had her own issues to deal with and I didn't want to add my own to her list. For everything she'd been through, she was a lot stronger than either of us gave her credit for but it didn't mean I wanted her carrying around my baggage. Instead of confiding in her, I chose to make a new best friend; alcohol. It numbed me from feeling anything and it was the only time I felt my best anymore. It was my temporary escape from ever having to feel anything I didn't want to feel and I loved it.

Dylan on the other hand wasn't too happy with it, especially when it cost me both my relationship and my friendship with Jessie. The night before I broke up with Jessie, I came home in a drunken bliss and was so out of it I ran into him. He didn't even have to look at me to know I had been drinking; he could smell it all over me and I didn't even care. It wasn't the first time he'd found me that way.

“Please tell me you didn't drive,” he said roughly as he dragged me up to my room.

“But then it would be a lie,” I slurred with amusement. He glared at me and for the briefest of seconds I felt ashamed, but then it disappeared almost as quickly as it came.

“I can't believe Jessie let you drive,” he said.

“Jessie?” I scoffed as he dropped me on my bed. “Please, that lightweight bailed out of the party a long time ago. Good thing too because she is a complete party kill- joy.”

“No, she's smart,” Dylan almost growled. “You know, like you used to be. Jeez bro, what is wrong with you lately? This is not the Jared I know.”

“Well maybe you didn't know me as well as you thought,” I answered flatly.

“If I don't know you anymore, then no one does,” Dylan responded. “You don't want to walk that lonely path, Jared. Trust me; it's not worth losing everything important to you. Eventually Jessie's going to grow tired of it.”

“And how would you know?” I asked. “Is that lonely path the one you're walking to your grave right now? Must be getting shorter and shorter, huh?” And then I actually laughed coldly at him as he stood in silence and stared at me. If I were him, I would have punched me in the face for saying that. But instead he just walked out of my room and said “I hope Jessie does dump you. She deserves better than you.”

Being completely honest, he was the reason I broke up with her the next day. Part of me knew what he said was true and I wanted her to find better. Another part of me wasn't too excited about the thought of her breaking up with me first; of another person leaving me alone. And the stupidly hung over part made her a reminder of Dylan. I looked at her and heard Dylan's words again, remembered the way he stuck up for her; the way he cared about her. For some reason that pushed me over the edge that day and made me say those words that pained her every time she heard them. I didn't feel bad about it until I got home but then when I did I just drowned it with alcohol until it went away.

Just like I've done everyday since then. The hours I spent sober in school were agonizing and they've just become worse since Carlos showed up. When Jessie was alone, I managed to drag through the day until I could get my hands on a nice cold bottle. But then Carlos showed up and the jealousy that sprang up in me was almost unbearable. Watching him talk to her, make her laugh, protect and care about her; it was my own personal hell and it made me crave a bottle even more. Dylan had told me he drove past them once and she looked happy. It was clear that he was happy for her, which only made me hate Carlos more because he never sounded that way when I was dating her. So I did everything possible to scare him off and make her miserable. I even went so far as betraying her and giving away her biggest secret. It wasn't directly, but I knew it would make Carlos curious. But no matter what, he stayed with her. And despite it all, she still came to me today offering her support.

A guilty feeling began to burn in me suddenly and I knew I had to get away. I needed to drown out my emotions before they could suffocate me. Before the grief over Dylan slammed into me like a car. But the funeral was nowhere near over and I needed that escape now.

*          *          *          *          *         

After using my five finger discount to grab a bottle or two and feeling the cold smoothness run down my throat, I decided to go back to the funeral. They would be leaving soon to bury the body and I figured I owed Dylan that much. By the time I got back, the majority of the crowd of fakes was gone and all that was left were my parents, Jessie and her mom and a few other close family members. They were all walking over to the casket, looking at Dylan for one last time and turning away in tears. I didn't really want to see him lying there cold and made up for his last place of rest. I had already seen him this way; I was the one who had found him on his bed, completely unresponsive. I thought he was in a deep sleep until I went to push on his shoulder and felt the unnatural coldness. Then I just sat there on the floor, staring at him until my mom's piercing scream broke through my daze. Then, instead of going over to comfort her, I got up and walked straight to my room where I drank from my secret stash until I realized that the blurring of the room was from my own tears.

I shuddered and stepped away from the casket, not wanting to take another look at his lifeless face. Taking another step backwards, I bumped into someone and turned to see Jessie. Looking at her, I thought of Dylan again and went cold. Every other argument we had came crashing into me suddenly and I felt the grief bubbling up inside of me. Clenching my teeth, I walked passed Jessie and back outside, needing another escape.