Isa's Scars

first day back.

~~~~~A L I~~~~~

I've been getting some weird comments on my instagrams recently. They make me feel ugly and useless but I try to ignore them. Everyone has someone like that. It's just part of being a teenager.

School will maybe be a distraction from them. Hopefully.

I meet Isa and Betty at the door as normal, Isa seems a little sad and quiet but it's probably just back to school blues or something. She gets like this sometimes.

"Welcome back to hell." says Sean in a monotone.

"What are you talking about? I love school!" exclaims Betty, sarcastically as we walk into the building and split to go to our first classes.

After school I head to the ice rink. It's my one escape from reality. I'm a figure skater and I've been doing it since I was six. Some of my friends have been doing it way longer though. I had to work so hard to catch up. I kind of still feel like I am.

As soon as I'm out of the changing room and feel the cold air of the ice I am free. It cools my lungs and my skates click on the ground as I make my way onto the ice. I skate a few laps before beginning to practice my routine for an upcoming competition.

Skating is the one thing that's mine.

The rink is near to empty, only a few little kids just finding their feet on the slippery ice. One falls over and starts crying. Her mum picks her up, cradling her.

The competition is tomorrow and I need more practice. There's a tricky turn that I can't always get right. I practice it over and over again.

My routine is almost perfect, I've been here for almost three and a half hours. It only feels like a few minutes. I've seen people come and go and then more come then go.

Eventually I decide to call it a day. I need to get an early night before the competition tomorrow. Anyway my feet are frozen solid.

I have dinner quickly and walk upstairs to go to bed. I'm always tired after the first day of school.

When I turn off the light my room is cloaked in darkness. I feel my way to my bed and crawl underneath the covers.

*

I'm at the competition, my music playing. My routine is going fine, perfect, just how I practiced.

I reach the spin that I struggled with. I'm telling my myself that it's fine, I practiced this so many times. I begin to turn but when I try to stop I can't.

My routine is ruined. I can't stop. I'm dizzy. The music is playing the same bit over and over and over. I manage to glance at where the music comes from. I see a faceless person standing their. They yell out,

'Ugly!'

I trip but I'm still spinning and spinning. Falling down through the ice and away.

I hear Isa calling me, telling me I'll never be as good as Elle. She tells me that she's too sad to be my friend anymore. She doesn't want me. Nobody does.

*

I wake up with tears streaming down my face. My heart is pounding in my throat and I feel sick.

Taking deep breaths I check my alarm clock, it's seven am.

"It was just a stupid dream Ali, just a dream."

I reassure myself as I get dressed.

When I arrive downstairs my mum seems pleased that I'm actually up early.