a week ago, I lost a friend in a car accident, that I loved very dearly. ever since ive been trying to figure out why anyone deserves to die so young... when they have their whole life in front of them. the only plausible explanation anyone has given me is that the "good ones die young" and if that's the case, I really must not be one of the good ones. coping with lose has never been something im good at, I don't know how to make myself okay, or feel better because its like a hole is in my heart. a lot of people keep saying "he's in a better place" "he's not suffering anymore" but what about all the people, the loved ones, he left behind? we're suffering, we miss him a lot. I keep thinking of the song "heaven needed a hero" but what about all the loved one down here on earth who need their hero? what about all the people he helped and loved that needed him to be there for them? who never wanted to loose him? everything seems so unreal and even now I sit and think "oh he'll walk through that door any minute and tell me it was all a lie" something like this happens every day to so many people, but when it happens to you you begin to think about all the things they'll never be able to do that you can in life and you'll feel horrible and you'll tell yourself "he should be here, with me, doing this, living and breathing, smiling and laughing." I keep thinking of our very last full conversation, where we talked about his first accident and how he promised me that he would get his old truck back (god he loved that thing so much) and he was going to fix it the summer before our senior year. I told "that's great" and we preceded to talk about stuff that would've never mattered to anyone but me and him. I didn't tell him I loved him or how much he means to me.. but I was there for him and as much as I regret not telling him I loved him or how much he means to me, im glad that I was just there for him when he needed someone, especially considering how many times he listened to my overdramatic rants that I used to tell him at 8 am in the morning when I knew he was fully awake but was still listening as much as he could. as much as ill miss him all the remaining years I have, im glad he's in a better place and he's no longer suffering.
