No heart

Chapter 1

Don't you ever think I am proud of myself. I don't like the way i am. It tears me apart and others as well. It is not easy to pretend to be normal. It is not easy to lie to everybody when they ask you why you don't have a boyfriend. I haven't met even once someone who can understand me,not even my friends. They say that when I will meet "the one" I will fell love. But is it really true?
I am 21 and I fear love. I love my family,my friends but I do not believe in that kind of fairy tale love every girl thinks of. I am better of alone. Almost everybody says that life is not to be loved without love. I am still alive though.
But let's get to the story itself.

I wake up in a stranger's room again. I look to my right and see a handsome black haired guy sleeping. I can see why I left the club with him. I get up without making a sound and try to pick up my clothes from the floor. I manage to put on my lingerie when I hear him saying:
C."Already leaving? Don't you wanna have at least a cup of coffee?"
I smile nicely while i try to get dressed fast. I do not like when this happens. Do these people really line what is the definition of a one night stand?I am not looking for a relationship ,not because I do not have time it something like this, but because I know i will be hurting my partner when I will try to tell him that I am not capable of love.
J."Why not?"
He pours me a cup of coffee and smiles brightly. He is handsome ,very handsome. Those black eyes can look directly in my soul.
C."So what do you do for a living" he asks me.
J."I am still in college. I am studying psychology."
C."That sounds cool"
J."What about you? "
C."I am an architect."
J."I really wanted to be an architect too but my mother convinced me to study psychology "
C."It s a great job once you get used to"
J."I am so sorry I just realised I do not know your name"
C."My name is Connor, Jessica "
J."Wait. You know my name"
C."Yea. You told me your name on our way home. Were you just to drunk to remember?" Says he laughing.
How could I not remember that. I was not drunk at all. I drank only a few shots of tequila.
C."Sorry if I seem a bit direct. But I would like if we could meet again."
Here it is. This sentence. I really do not know what to say.
J."I am not looking for a relationship right now.."
C."I didn't mean it in that way. I meant to meet like friends. You seem nice"
J."If that's the case sure. Give me your phone. I will put my number in"
He handed me his phone. It is the first time for something like this to happen to me. I am quite nervous. May be this the start of the kind of relationship I have always dreamed of?