New Life: Justin Bieber: Sequel to In Love With My Best Friend

Chapter 17 - I'm Not Okay

**Jamies POV**

This pain is non stop. My heart just consistently is hurting. I'm not okay. As hard as I try to be. I'm not okay.

It's been three long weeks since I left Justin. He tried to text me a few times. He even tried to call me a few times. But I ignored it all. I just know me and if I hear his voice, I'll jump right back into his arms.

I've been avoiding all social media. I'm sure all the fans are worried, but I hate to say that's the last thing in my mind. I need to feel okay again before I could post a video or even just a picture or a tweet. I need a break from all that. And these past three weeks have been that break.

Currently, I'm sitting in my parents back yard on the chairs by the bonfire even though there's no fire right now. I have probably been sitting here for about two hours. And I have been crying this whole time. I know it's only been a few weeks, but I feel like I'll never get over Justin.

I love him with every single thing in my body. My mind is thinking about him 24/7. I don't want to feel this pain anymore.

I heard the back door slide open and I quickly wiped my tears and tried to act like I wasn't crying. Even though I know my face is so red and my eyes are red and puffy.

"Hey Jam" I heard Ally's soft voice. I looked up and saw her sit next to me. She pouted more once she saw my face.

"You just left work?" I asked her and she nodded. She brought her feet up onto the chair like I was sitting. "How was it?" I asked trying to take my mind off of my thoughts.

"We don't have to do small talk. We can talk about you, I'm here to listen" she said being supportive. I shook my head and wiped my face again as a few more tears fell. I just wish I would stop crying. I'm sad every second of every day. I'm so sick of it.

"We've been doing that for the past three weeks-" she cut me off.

"But that's okay. Jamie, you're hurting. You are going through such a bad heartbreak. What kind of friend would I be if I was selfish and just talked about myself and how I'm doing. I know you're going through so much pain and you need to know I will always be here to listen and help. I know how much Justin means to you and how hard it was for you to walk away. I am here for you. That could be the only thing we talk about for as long as you need" she told me and I slowly nodded. I leaned my head onto her shoulder as I scooted closer.

"I feel like I'll never get over him. And I know I'm going to have to face him again because we live together. All my shit is in that house. What happens when I have to go pick it all up? We all know the second I see him and hear his voice, I'll take him back in a second" I ranted.

"Is that what you want? To leave that house?" She asked me. I just stared at the bonfire pit as I thought.

Is that what I want? I mean no. Never. But if we aren't together for good now, is that even an opinion to stay there?

"No" I told her. "But it's probably the best thing to do" We sat in silence for a few minutes before I spoke up again. "Is it bad that I'm wondering how he's doing right now?"

"No. Do you want me to ask Ryan or Chaz?" She asked me and I picked up my head to look at her. I forgot Ryan and Chaz flew down to see Justin a few days ago. "I mean I think it's best if you don't ask, but if you think it could help-" I cut her off by groaning.

"I don't know what I want" I told her. "You know what just call one of them and if I change my mind you can just take it off of speaker. I know I shouldn't care, but I do" I said to her. She nodded and pulled her phone from her pocket. I quickly heard the sound of the phone ringing and I looked down to see she's calling Chaz.

"Hey Al" I heard Chaz' voice.

"Hey. Can you talk right now?" She asked him.

"Uh yeah. I'm headed outside right now" He said then I heard a door shut. "What's up?" He asked.

"I'm just wondering how it's going over there? How's Justin?" She asked slowly like she was waiting for me to already say I changed my mind.

"He's okay" he said in the same slow tone Ally just spoke in. Almost like he didn't want to say it. "You by yourself?" He asked her. She looked up at me and I nodded.

"Yeah. It's just me, why?"

"Promise?"

"Yes Chaz" she said. "Why are you being sketchy?" She asked then laughed.

"Because if you're with Jamie, then Justin is okay. If you're not I'll tell you how it really is" he said making me and Ally look at each other confused.

"It's just me. What's going on?" She said quickly. Now I'm worried.

"He's not okay. He's a mess, Ally. I've never seen him like this" He started to tell her and I shut my eyes. I took deep breaths. I didn't want to hear that. Maybe this was a bad idea. "I was talking to Pattie yesterday and she was telling me how worried she is. Her and Scooter sat down with him like two weeks ago and kept trying to get him to talk to them and then he broke down crying about how he's losing everything. He thinks he's a fuck up. It's just-" he stopped to sigh. "It's bad over here" he told her. I shook my head as I stood up quickly.

This was a mistake. I can't hear this anymore. Why did I think this would be okay?

As soon as I walked through the back door, my mom was walking through the front door. I guess she just got back from work. She looked up at me and sighed.

"Awe honey" she said as she noticed I was crying. She put her keys and bag down and quickly walked over to me. "Are you okay?" She asked quietly as she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a hug.

"No" I answered as I started to cry harder. I heard the back door shut meaning Ally is in here too now.

"I'm sorry" I heard Ally say and I felt her hand on my back.

"You're going to be okay, sweetheart" My mom said trying to help. I know I won't be okay.

"He was my best friend" I said through my sobs. I pulled away and sat down on one of the stools next to the kitchen counter. "My whole life I had him by my side. My whole fucking life" I said wiping my tears. "N-now he isn't apart of it anymore. I will never get over it. I-I know I won't. This changes everything." I cried.

This was one of my biggest fears. Us breaking up then losing my best friend forever.

"Maybe one day in the future, you guys will find your way back to each other." My mom said as she rubbed my arm.

"Maybe" I said back quietly as I stared at the ground. "In two weeks it's going to be three years since he asked me to be his girlfriend. And you know school always started around this time. I remember when we were walking into school on our first day of freshman year, before we walked in, we made a promise to each other to never let high school change us and ruin our friendship like it does to a lot of friendships. We promised to be by each other's side forever" I told them as I wiped my tears. "But it wasn't high school that drove us apart. It was the fame a-and the money and all the girls and ugh I don't even know" I said quietly.

"It won't change him forever" My mom started to say so I looked over at her. "He's young and look at the position he's in. He is in a phase where he doesn't care and just wants to have fun. Plus he's depressed. And yes I know that because I talk to Pattie almost every day since you two were little. Her and I are still very much good good friends." She told me and I nodded. I knew that. They have been best friends forever.

"I just don't know how I can keep going with this pain. No one understands how bad I'm hurting." I told them as I started to sob again. I feel like I'm going to have a full panic attack. "I want to see him. I want to hear his voice, but if I do then I'll run right back into his arms. It won't change why I left. It won't change him"

"Give it some time" My mom quietly said as she grabbed my hand. "You will be happy again. I promise, my sweet girl"