We're not who we use to be

chapter 14 the beach

I put on some tan lotion and I'm already getting a tan.  Wow.  I was called Casper when I was younger. We want kids very bad.  So he wanted to start having kids.  We started getting it on last night.

The next couple days would having a good time being together and being happy.  I had my book, The Fault in Our Stars by John Greene with me to read. 

"Hey babe,  where are my flags from college," I ask. 

"You might've left at home, why," he asks. 

"I wanna do some flag work I have a parade coming up and I don't wanna miss it," I reply. 

"Oh.  Yea you might have left them home," Harry says. 

I went back to reading and as soon as I start I get a text. 

Liam: hola

Me: hola

Liam: Como estàs

Me: bien y tú

Liam: bueno

Me: exo Ed bueno

Liam: qué estàs  hacindo

Me: no mucho tú

Liam: no mucho

After speaking Spanish with Liam I went and started to talk to Harry.

"Harry,  Are you sure," I ask. 

I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted
And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine

Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?
When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?

Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all

I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your  face And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you And the memories I never can escape

'Cause I'm not fine at all

The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone
I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around

It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long

It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

Cause I'm not fine at all

I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape

If today I woke up with you right beside me
Like all of this was just some twisted dream
I'd hold you closer than I ever did before
And you'd never slip away
And you'd never hear me say

I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape

'Cause I'm not fine at all
No, I'm really not fine at all
Tell me this is just a dream
'Cause I'm really not fine at all

, I'm really not fine at all
Tell me this is just a dream
'Cause I'm really not fine at all

Harry had the song blasting.  I was crying during the song and he came over to me and asked why I'm crying.  I had bought a pregnancy test to see if I was pregnant. I forgot about that.

"Hold on a sec," I say. 

I run into the bathroom and I take out the pregnancy test and I had to pee anyways.  I peed on it and waited five minutes.

*drum roll please*

It was a positive. Oh my god.  I am gonna be a mom.  I run down stairs with the pregnancy test and shown Harry. 

"Your gonna be a dad,  harry," I exclaim.

"Yes.  Finally. I have always wanted to be a dad," Harry says. 

"I always wanted to be a mom," I say. 

It's gonna take 9 months and 3 trimesters to be able to have a baby in my belly.