| The Side I Didn't Know | (Pennywise romance)

05 | "I shouldn't be here"

I sat there on the floor, shaking in fear. He was just standing there staring at me, drool poured out of his mouth none stop. He looked like he had a lot planned for what he was going to do to me based off the smile he gave me.

I scanned his body up and down while I asked myself why I was feeling this way about him. I didn't want to be turned on by a clown,
But I just couldn't help it. Then a thought came to me, I know my whole life I've been scared of clowns, but what's so bad about actually...liking one? One side of me told myself I was for going insane for sure at that point, but the other loved the idea and ignored being "insane".

"W-why cant i feel this way about you?"
I asked him swallowing hard.

His face changed immediately, my words definitely had an effect on him. His smile turned into a still face, he looked like he had remembered a traumatic moment in his past. He looked down and shook his head trying to shake off his facial expression.

"That's not how it works."
He said in a depressing tone.

"But why can't it work that way?"
I replied.

"Stop distracting me! It just can't work that way. You can't like me, and I can't like you.

Even if I wanted to..."

He said it like he was supposed to listen to some type of guide lines.

"I can't let you live dear, that's how it goes. That is how it has always went and how I'll survive."

He turned his face to the side looking down. He was lost in thought until he shook his head again and looked back over to me. His mood had changed to a more calm and sad type. It wasn't like that for long. He had went back to his other mood, his 'thirsty' mood.

He shook his body, (making little bells jingle) popped his neck, and let out his sharp claws, making his tight gloves rip into shreds. He looked down at the floor with his normal clown face and slowly came back up with that demonic grin. It gave me chills, but I wasn't scared like I used to be.
He suddenly jumped towards me and picked me up by the sides of my arms, digging his claws into my skin. He held me up to his face as I let out a scream from the pain it made. He took that as if I was scared. He slammed me into the wall and stuck his face closer to mine as he smiled wide, making his teeth appear, they were sharp and jagged, sort of like a sharks.
Staring at me, he let out heavy breathes and growls. I could feel the heat of his breath hit my lips, I enjoyed it.

He leaned in closer as he started to sniff.
That's when he realized...

I still wasn't scared. He made a concerned and angry look in realization. He really wanted me to be scared. He immediately removed his claws from my arms, making more blood spill out, and let me slide down the wall onto my knees. I reached for my arm planning to hold it, but it was too painful to touch. Looking at my arm, I came across a fully blood covered sleeve and four nasty marks in my skin from his claws. I looked back over to Pennywise, he was pacing in circles, tighten his fists, and mumbling to himself. I could see frustration in his eyes. He sharply looked back at me and walked over making me back up onto the wall. He towered right over me, I could hear his breaths and growls so clearly.

He was so angry his nose had little wrinkles on it from the mad expression he was making. While Growling, he raised his hand making it look like he was going to tear my head off. In one swinging motion heading towards me, he unexpectedly clawed the wall right above my head, leaving four marks in a row on it. He made it look so easy, like he was running his fingers through water. I quickly moved out from under him and stared at his frustrated and angry face as he looked at his mark he had just made. It was like he tried to hurt me but something was stopping him. As he was looking down I took the advantage to stare at him, I saw a change in his expression. It changed to a sad one.

"He was sad now?"
I questioned him.

He suddenly fell to his knees and put his hands over his face.

"Why are you doing this to me..."
I heard him ask in a weak and shaky voice through his hands.

He took his hands off his face and looked over to me. I was already staring at him so we immediately met eye contact. His eyes were so exhausted and sad, there were little sparkles in them. He noticed I saw this look on his face and started blushing, quickly turning his head away from me so I couldn't see anymore.

"The only things that stops me from wanting you is your fear for me. And if there isn't any fear..."

He finally said something I could understand more. If I wasn't afraid of him his feelings for me will grow, but I still didn't understand why that wasn't allowed.

"Monsters and humans aren't allowed to be with each other. There are so many horrible things that could come from it, apparently."

"What do you mean apparently?" I replied.

"I've only experienced it once, a relationship with a human. I was - we were punished." He said looking down.

"What did they say?" I asked curiously.

He looked over to me about to speak again until he stopped himself.

"I shouldn't be here."

He said trying to stand up, stumbling.

"Wait!"
I yelled, but soon enough he had disappeared.