ANGELIC. [KimTaehyung]

k - blank

Mila

I wasn't met with the familiar feeling of my cold AC that had been running all night. Or the smell of boiling coffee my neighbors always brewed at what seemed like 2am. Or the distant sound of the morning train that came from the station near my apartment.

I wasn't met by anything at all, it was like all my senses were gone. I was completely and utterly blank.

The thought of a crisp white paper came to my mind. So neat and pressed, ready to be written on. Then I imagined someone writing on it, small cursive letters in sloppy English. I tried so hard to read it. Desperately trying to get the message. I recognized the hands, the font. I knew who wrote the letter.

My trembling eyes fastened. I couldn't look up. The author of the letter was dead, and soon so would I. The person grasped my cheek softly. I now knew what the note read, it was in their eyes.

There was a warmth that spread across my skin suddenly, emploding a small registry of life within me. Softly and gently it toyed around, dancing on my epidermis in a taunting manner.

It was then that I drew this conclusion; my heart was not beating.

The warmth around my skin deeply contrasted the cold static in my heart, it was like it was frozen.

My vision was gone, the person was gone. I was still stuck.

Then I felt the sound movements—thump thump—it was a heart. But it wasn't mine. Every bodies heartbeat is like their voice, uniquely theirs. This one felt to far away, external.

So, if it wasn't mine then,
Who's was it?

My body shifted in an embrace I didn't know I was in. Struggling to find direction, my eyes trailed in disorientation.

Suffocating, it felt like I was suffocating. But in the best way possible. Warmer than any fire, it blazed, burning my skin like a forest engulfed in flames. But I was not running from this fire, I was not afraid of it's heat. I let it take me.

The oxygen that entered my lungs felt like gasoline. Simmering tears hit my skin like a skillet, I don't know how much longer I could take this.

Then it stopped completely. A cooling sensation put out the fire within me.

"I'm glad you're awake, you've been unconscious for days." My body was too overturned with fatigue to fall into a panic. All I could do was let my tears trail down my face.

Whatever that had just been, it was terrifyingly beautiful.

"Stop crying, you're supposed to be happy. We're together." Suddenly, I wished I were still unconscious. A small taste of that dark nothingness still lingered in my mouth.

I savored it.

My hips buckled against his palms, he turned me to face him. The mattress bent underneath us.

"It's so nice to have you like this." His fingers encircled a strand of my dark hair. "You're so calm when you sleep. So helpless." He laughed.

"You know... I'm excited. We can be like this every awakening we get." I looked at him. Every neuron in my head was fighting to understand him, his way of acting and speaking. His way of thinking. Maybe then I could understand.

But I couldn't understand and it felt like the most pointless battle I had ever fought. He didn't need me to understand him. I'd go insane if I tried.

It was silent for a while after that. Nothing was heard except for the sound of the wind outside the window.

"Were you aware that you talk in your sleep?" His voice ended the silence.

I shook my head in response. I had never shared a bed with someone to know that. I wonder what else I didn't know about myself.

"Well, you do. It's quite adorable. " he toppled over a child like giggle. Like he had just been told a secret. "You talked about your mother. "

At those words my heart sank. My mother had never been the focal point of my delusion, even if she was the one who had caused it.

"I know about the whole situation with your mother." My eyebrows drew together. How could he possibly know about that?

"I know how she treated you." He stroked my hair. "I know about your childhood."

If he knew about that then why was he still after me? No one would ever come close to me if they found out about that.

I didn't respond to him, instead I just stared out the window.

If he was capable of wanting someone like me, just how insane was he really?

-

"I usually leave for work at 7 and return at about 2 in the afternoon. But, you already knew that." In the short amount of time me and Taehyung had been friends prior to his whole psychotic eruption, I had learned a lot about him. The type of person he was, neat and organized, always seemed put together. I now got to see an even more strict version of that.

"I'll be right across the street so don't even try to leave." His hand wrapped around my wrist. The lids that sat just above his eyes closed further, creasing slightly only on one eye. Pupils enlarged, he was thinking about me escaping.

That was the thing with him. He got so angry so quickly, I hadn't even done anything yet and he was already taken it upon himself to treat me so harshly. His thoughts were his damnation.

Like he had caught himself, he released my wrist and kissed it.  "Just, please don't try anything. Be a good girl." He caressed my cheek. And there was his gentle desperate side. They were like a golden scale, tipping it was easy.

"I'm not a child you know." I spat back, removing his hand.

"I know baby, I wasn't-" he stopped himself, shutting his eyes tightly. "Just don't try anything, you won't like me when I'm mad."

Stalking towards the front door, he grabbed his keys. "You can do the cooking and the cleaning of the house, but just rest for today. You were unconscious for a while and I don't want you to get sick." He smiled sweetly at me. "I'll see you when I get back home, Mila."

The door closed softly after him. His blue coat disappeared and for some reason I longed to see it wrapped around me.

-

January 15 2020
8:50 pm