Yesterday I Was A Star ✓

the sun

E I G H T
the sun: the central body of a solar system

dedicated to dankfabio

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HE DIED AT 10:52 pm on the fourth of June, 2017.

I picked at my food with my plastic fork, weaving the rice and watery school mince sauce together until it formed an orange concoction. I couldn't find it in myself to eat. My appetite had vanished.

I scraped at the memories I had of the man. His smile, his friendly words. Tears brimmed my eyes as I clutched the edge of the canteen table. Rain thundered against the canteen windows, filling my eardrums as I distracted myself from the sorrowful conversation Emma was having with Ryan and Max. Kaya wasn't in school – she wouldn't be for a while – and the lack of her presence made me feel like half of my soul had detached. I doubted that her smile would ever be as bright again.

The memories were vivid, and they only brought me to more tears as I threw down the fork, and buried my head in my hands. It was rare that a man could emotionally touch so many people. He didn't deserve what fate had in store for him.

"Nova," Emma whispered in my ear, shaking my shoulder until I removed my head from my arms. I quickly wiped the salty water from my eyes as the Brazilian girl pulled me into a tight embrace. "I'm so sorry, gorgeous."

I sobbed, refusing to gaze around at the other filled tables in the school food hall. It was packed to the brim with students, ranging from freshers to seniors. The rain had forced us from our usual bench outside, and the canteen felt like a foreign country. Chatter echoed through the large white-box room, and the stench of cardboard-like school lunch was unsettling in my nose.

"I just want to call her," I muttered, a sob choking my words.

Emma reached up to dry yet another tear from my face as it fell. "I know, Cassie. But we have to give her time, ok?"

I nodded. I knew that I wouldn't be able to talk to my best friend until she was ready, but being apart from her was like not being able to breathe oxygen.

I didn't realise I was hyperventilating until I stood up amongst the swarm of students. Emma's hand caught mine, but I tugged it away. The white walls of the huge room were gradually growing smaller and smaller. They pressed in on me, squeezing the air from my lungs like a fist to the chest. I clumsily pushed my way through the crowd of people waiting patiently in the queue for food, too distressed to give a damn about the multiple feet I had stepped on in the process.

When I finally reached the exit, I sighed, and wiped my sweating palms on my black leggings. Grief had consumed my body, and it was nonchalantly shutting down cell by cell.

"Nova?" A man's voice brought me back to my senses. I glanced up through my dark eyelashes, capturing the male's tanned skin and dark cropped hair.

I parted my lips in surprise. "What're you doing here?" I enquired in a whisper, too shocked to move.

Cole scratched the back of his head. "I-" He stopped, furrowing his brows as though the thoughts in his head were conflicting. "I wanted to see you."

Despite the death of Kaya's dad, and the depression it had swept over me, my face cracked into a smile. I reminisced back to Friday night, when I had found Cole sat on the edge of the derelict building, deciphering whether to jump or not. The wind had torn at his hair and clothes, and he was as still as a statue. He had been waiting for me.

"But," I stuttered, "but, you shouldn't be here after-"

Cole waved his hands in the air to halt my words. He stepped closer, significantly reducing the gap between us. I held my breath in anticipation, a swarm of butterflies erupting in my stomach. "After Friday, I know. But I don't care, Nova. Not when I'm with you." He spoke slowly, finally coming to a stop a meter away from where I was stood like a fish out of water. I couldn't breathe. Cole's presence was warm, like the sun – something I couldn't live without. I was his sun, and he was my universe. "You're the first person who's made me feel happy in years."

My heart hammered in my chest, threatening to burst through my breastbone. "Cole-" I began, but I was interrupted as he placed his soft lips on mine.

I gasped against his mouth, moving my hands to pull him closer. His hands enclosed around the small of my back, and held me tightly as though he would never let go. My skin felt like it had been set alight, tingling down my spine until all that was left were the ashes of my anxiety. I inhaled his scent of evergreen, lusting for more of him. More of Cole Colloway.

Cheers exploded from the canteen as we pulled away. My cheeks turned a bright crimson as I bit my lip, smiling in towards Cole's muscular chest.

"This isn't embarrassing," I muttered, causing Cole to glance down. In that moment, he looked the happiest I had ever seen him - and all that existed was him.

"But I don't care," I continued, tugging at Cole's top. "Not anymore."

I felt invincible. I felt beautiful.

Yesterday, I was a star. Today, I am the sun. And tomorrow, I will be the universe - Cole's universe.

THE END

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AUTHOR'S NOTE

Thank you to everyone who has read this far!! your support has meant that Cole and Nova's story wasn't left untold, and inspired me to continue writing. This story would not exist without you ☆

I'd like to apologise for some of the themes raised in this book, but I felt the need to write a book on the topic of mental health and suicide. Today in the media, mental health is typically portrayed in such a negative way, and I wanted to show that anyone can have a mental health illness, and still be an amazing person. If you need to talk about any of the themes raised, my inbox is always open :)

I love you all so freaking much, I honestly can't put it down in words. Your comments, your votes - they made this story become a reality. Nova and Cole will always be in my heart, even though their story has come to an end. 

Who was your favourite character?

And what was your favourite moment?

I love you lots and lots,

Lotte xx