Nothing Was The Same..

**Authors Note** Ok so If you already read this first chapter I changed it up alot because I rethought my storyline and it's taking a different direction than before, one that I can connect with better so if you're interested re-read please! And I would LOVE feedback and comments positive or negative. I welcome constructive crticism! Also a shout out to Phoenixeverlasting for helping me brainstorm and finally find a storyline that I can connect with and get into. Also this first chapter will leave alot of questions unanswered, I did it that way on purpose, everything will unfold over the course of the book.

The sound of liquid hitting the bottom of my empty cup, filling it up raises desire in my throat. It's so potent I can smell it. He stops pouring, but it's still light. I look up and mutter three words giving him the ok to make the cup full with this liquid. He looks at me like I'm out of my mind. I stare into his eyes with a straight face and I show no shame because I'm empty and I'm hoping this liquor will fill me and make me numb. Maybe he sees this because all he says is "Rough night?" And then he fills my cup to the brim.

"More like months." I mutter as I put the cup to my lips and take in this warm strong liquid. It tingles in my mouth, burns my throat and my stomach. I feel it all the way down but I don't stop for air until I've gulped down a 3rd of the cups contents. It doesn't taste good. It's just so strong and painful to take in that it takes away from the emotional pain stabbing away at me. I look up to ask him what this is called but of course he's already walked away. It's the perfect house party, good music, party bulbs flashing all sorts of different colors, lots of drinks and the house is spacious leaving room for people everywhere talking making out, smoking, dancing and swimming by the pool. I push past dancing bodies until I make it to the kitchen. There I see tons of choices on the counter, mostly tequila and vodka. As I'm trying to choose what to take in next I catch a glimpse of Jasper on the other side of the room. I heard earlier that he restocked his stash especially for this party. I need something stronger than this alcohol and I know he'll have the perfect remedy for this hollow aching. He's standing in a group talking so I slowly make my way over and try to get eye contact hoping I can call him over to me instead. As I'm about halfway there it works. He sees the look in my eyes and breaks himself away from the group.

"Having fun?" He asks as he reaches me. I can just barely hear him over the music. I nod and glance around at my surroundings. I'm not having fun. I'm in pain. Unrelenting emotional pain and I just want to feel better and I know he has the solution. I step up close to him so I don't have to talk loud,

"I need something stronger than this." I say plain and simple shaking my cup and staring him in the eyes. He scans my face for a few seconds then tells me to meet him upstairs in the second room on the right. First, I fill my cup halfway with cranberry juice and then fill it the rest of the way with 100 proof pinnacle vodka. I take a mouthful and then slowly make my way upstairs pushing past people. As I reach the top of the stairs I find myself standing in a long hallway that curves into a left turn at the end. I spot the second door on the right, it's a black door and I know on the other side of it is a temporary fix for my pain. I hesitate before opening the door. I shouldn't... And yet I find my hand turning the knob, pushing the door open, feet stepping inside. The room is like an entertainment room with a flat screen on the wall and a table in the middle with a couch behind it. There's a mini fridge set up in the corner. I close the door behind me and take a seat on the couch. He's setting up my usual fix for me. I grab his wrist stopping him.

"I need something stronger." I say staring into his eyes hoping he can see how much I need this. His eyes trail down to where my hand is grasping his wrist and I realize I'm holding it tightly so I let go.

"I'm sorry." I apologize to him feeling ashamed. I'm acting desperate but I am, I need this. He doesn't respond he just reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a mini Ziploc bag with about six little round white pills in it and hands it to me. I throw out one into my hand and examine it. But I can't tell what it is. I turn to him and ask

"What is this?"

"Oxy." He answers. I guess the expression on my face is scared because I am feeling a little freaked out and he asks in a very sarcastic tone,

"What too strong?" he scoffs a little then holds out his hand and continues,

"Here give it back and let me give you your usual." He has a pleased smirk on his face. I feel annoyed by this so without thinking I take three pills and swallow them dry. He looks shocked, frightened even for a split second.

"No just perfect actually." I say smiling. He opens his mouth to respond but then his phone beeps. After checking the screen he stands up to go.

"More customers, I gotta go." He says getting up to leave the room. I hand him his money and stuff the rest of pills in my pocket, grab my drink and stand to leave as well. When he opens the door to go Ethan's standing right there he looks at Jasper, at me, then at the cup in my hand and his face is riddled with disappointment but he doesn't say anything instead he immediately grabs my arm and pulls me outside.

"Ow! You're hurting me!" I blurt

Once we're in the driveway he lets go of my arm and turns to face me. He looks pissed.

"What were you doing with him?" He asks. I shrug.

"We were just talking. How did you even find me?" I ask. He looks down at the cup in my hand.

"What's in there?" He nods his head toward the cup.

"Cranberry juice." I lie. But he doesn't believe me he takes the cup and sips what's in there and he can immediately tell there's more than cranberry juice in the cup. He pours out the liquid in the grass nearby and throws the cup down. He pulls me toward him and holding my chin in his hand shines his phone light in my eye and his eyes darken at what he sees.

"What did you take?" He says his voice low.

"Nothing I-"

"STOP lying to me. Your pupils are dilated." I've never seen him this angry. I feel dizzy again and sleepy. The world is starting to spin.

"Ugh! You know what Ethan? I don't have to answer to you! I can do what I want!" I raise my voice. "Stop acting like a bossy guardian you're supposed to be my boyfriend." I say jerking away from his grasp. I stumble and the bag of pills fall out of my jacket pocket. He picks them up and looks at me with disbelief.

"How many did you take?" He asks. And I shrug because I'd rather not answer.

"What the hell has gotten into you Belle I mean seriously?! You're acting like an idiot!" He continues. My fingertips feel like needles are stabbing them. I rub them together to try to get the feeling to go away. Everything is starting to spin faster than I can handle, even Ethan.

"Stop moving." I say to him and I reach out my hand to grab him but I miss and swoop air and almost fall over. He catches me. Suddenly everything is blurry.

"Belle, what's wrong?" Ethan asks, his voice filled with worry.

"Everything... is spinning... and I can't.... It's blurry." I slur out.

Black dots start spotting my blurry vision and my legs give way beneath me. Ethan envelops me in his arms. I feel his hand on my face.

"Belle! Belle!" His voice fades away as he's calling out my name. Funny, he's calling me to him but I'm fading farther and farther away from him. My blurry vision starts to dim. My eyelids are heavy and my body numb. This is what I wanted, to feel no pain and to get away from reality. The last thing I see is the outline of Ethan's face through my blurry vision. I hear his perfect voice calling to me, desperate to keep me from slipping away. Then everything turns black.