I laid the roses on the grave and whispered a good-bye. I decided to go to her home for the last time, so I maybe understand the reason for her passing a little bit more. I went to her house and rang the bell. Her brother opened and let me in. "Mom and Dad are not here. You can stay as long as you want." His voice was weak, his eyes were bloodshot and puffy. In her room I looked through everything. I found pictures of us. How happy she was back then. In her closet, in between some clothes, I found a notebook I'd never seen. I opened it and read through some pages. There were comments, pictures and similar stuff glued on the pages. With every comment there were blood drops and occasionally there were pictures of her how much weight she lost. I was shocked. How hadn't I noticed that before? How, for fuck's sake, hadn't I noticed that she was anorexic? Why hadn't she told me? Now everything made more sense than before. I knew that we had bullies in our school, but I never knew that she was their target on the internet. How could I had been so blind? "I'm so sorry," I whispered with a lump in my throat. I love you. I always will. I'm sorry for being so blind. I should have had my eyes open. I love you. I looked at the las few pages. She looked horrible. In this moment I hated myself. I could have had fixed her. She would be still alive. On the last entry I found her thoughts, a dedication for her family, friends and for me. The love of her life. Her final confession of her feelings to me. With it I understood, that no matter how or when, she would have had died. Either of her anorexia or suicide. She fulfilled her destiny. And my time to confess my feelings for her had run out with her death. She was my best friend, but I loved her. I wanted to be with her til death seperates us. Maybe now I kinda understood why she did that. I understood the pain she kept in her body. I looked up at the ceiling and thought: I love you. I always will. I hope you're happy up there. And that you'll keep an eye on me.
In the end I knew that her death left an overwhelming pain in her family and in her friends. But she would live on in our hearts. I would never forget her.
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If you're crying, I'm really sorry. I hope you like it though.
Liv :)
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A Creative Mess
AcakThis book is a creative universe that is a mess. A collection of poems, short stories, unpublished ideas and chapters or song-based stories. There's something for everyone. So dive right into this mess and enjoy having an insight into my head and mi...
