As Always, Love Bella

As Always, Love Bella: Chapter One: Tears

Dear Edward,

I know I said I wouldn't write again, but I have too. Jake's dead. He, Emma-Mey, Allie and Carl were in the Rabbit when a drunk driver hit them straight on. Jake survived on life support for three days, but the others were killed instantly. I can't believe they're gone.

It hurts so much. Lizzie is all I have left, and she's pulling away. I know she's hurting, but she won't tell me anything. Damn Swan blood. She's going to run, as soon as she can, I can feel it. I'm going to lose the last baby I have left and there is absolutley nothing I can do to stop it.

I miss you.

As always, Love Bella

~*~*~*~*~

Lizzie

~*~*~*~*~

It had been three years since I had been home. Three years since I had stepped foot in the house I had grown up in. It seemed empty now, without my father's infectious laughter, and my mother's silent but noticeable feminine touches around the place.

It felt wrong to be here, and not see or rather hear my mother's slap make itself known as it hit the back of my father's guffawing head. It felt wrong not to anticipate that slap, to not listen out for it when my father made a stupid (or more likely) lewd joke.

I felt angry when I passed my two sisters and my brother's empty bedrooms. Emma-Mey had only been 18 when the drunk driver had hit them, as had Allie. Carl had only been 17 As affected as I was by my sisters' deaths, my twin's had hit me even harder. Carl-Jasper (my mother had always insisted on calling him that) and I had been extremely close. While we had fought just like any other brother and sister, I had trusted him with everything.

Carl had been the one I had told first when I made out with Jack Walker, he had been the one I had trusted with every teenage secret I had held. He had trusted me just as much, telling me his secrets just as I told him mine. I had been the only one that when he watched movies like Mr. and Mrs. Smith he stared at Brad Pitt instead of Angelina Jolie. I had been the one that he had poured his fears out to constantly, had been the one to reassure him that no one would hate him just because he did not like girls.

I had been the only one that had ever pleaded with Carl to just tell our parents, as I had been the only one that had ever been able to see how much keeping his secret was hurting him.

I would have traded anything to have those moments back again, even if the mere memory could and did bring me to tears. If I could have those moments back...there was so much I would change.

It was not until I reached my parents' room that I completely and utterly broke down. The picture on the bedside table undid me. It was one of all of us at a bonfire. I could remember Aunt Emily taking the picture after Uncle Sam, Grandpa Billy and Dad had finished telling the legends. The bonfire had been held to celebrate Clares' turning 18 Carl and I had just turned 13 and Emma-Mey and Allie had been 14 They were sitting, well more like lying across our parent's laps. Their hands were hanging around Mom and Dad's shoulders, and Carl and I were standing behind them, shaking our heads in mock disapproval. All of us wore cheesy grins, and it was clear we were content and happy.

As my tears dropped on the glass of the photoframe, more memories of family outings, My parents had always made sure that we had known how much they loved us, even when we were going through the difficult stages of life as teenagers. They hadn't been the type of parents that we would have been afraid to go to when something was wrong. All of us had been able to tell them anything, and had.

Even though it hurt to think of my family now that they were gone, I couldn't help but smile through my tears as I remembered confiding in my Dad that I had gotten on the back of Jack Walker's motorbike. He had stared at me for a second, laughed and told me not to worry about it, that if he and my Mom grounded me for that they would have been hypocrites. He had then proceeded to tell me of the bikes he had helped my Mom work on. I had been obsessed with motorbikes ever since, and owned four of them at the moment.