As Always, Love Bella

chapter five: Killing the dead

Dear Edward,

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know you told me to move on, and that you don't love me, but I'm still sorry. Jake's a great friend, and over the past few weeks he has become more. I love him. I still love you, but I love him just as much. You were the prologue in my life, and you made up the introductory chapters. Jake's the main plot.

I deserve to be happy, Edward. I deserve that much, and I hope that I knew you well enough to know that you wouldn't begrudge me that. And Jake makes me happy. God, does he make me happy. When I'm around him, I feel almost complete.

There is still a piece of my heart missing, and that piece will always belong to you. But sometimes I can forget that piece of it is missing, at least when I'm around Jake. You know, I'm going to contradict myself.

I'm not sorry. You left, and even though I still love you, I'm going to be happy.

I wrote a list earlier. It was a list of things I want to do before I die. I will die, Edward. But if I'm going to die, then I want to have enjoyed my life with Jake.

As Always, Love Bella

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lizzie

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Yeah, um, this is Lizzie."

It took me a few moments to reply. I had to process her words first. I was shocked that she had actually rung. The "notice" had been my desperate attempt to find them, but I had never thought it would actually work.

"I was hoping we could arrange to meet?"

Her voice sounded like chimes. It should have relaxed me, but it didn't. Although her voice sounded like chimes, they didn't sound very tuned right now. Maybe she was nervous about talking to me. I had, after all basically threatened to expose them.

"Of course, that would be, um, great. Would you mind if I called you back later? Now's not the best time. I'm a bit busy."

"My number should save straight to your phone, it's not private. Just give me a call tonight. It doesn't matter what time. I'll be up."

I snapped my phone shut after she hung up (without saying goodbye) and turned around to look at the others. Worry was evident on their faces. I didn't blame them. That conversation had seemed so awkward and forced . . . who knew how much worse it would be in person?

It had seemed like she was trying to pretend to be much more calm and composed than she actually was. It was a scary thought. Why would she be so nervous?

I rang her back that night. It had taken me a while to convince the guys-pack-that I would be fine going home on my own. They worried about my safety constantly. Growing up I had been pretty sheltered, as one look at them had scared off most potential boyfriends. It had been annoying, and it still was, but it was nice to see how much they cared.

The phone didn't ring for long before she picked it up.

"Lizzie."

"Hey, yeah, it's me. I was wondering when would be a good time to meet up and talk? It would be really helpful if it could be soon."

I bit my lip while I waited for her reply. It was a habit I had inherited from my mom. Alice had said earlier that she hoped we could meet up, and I just hoped she wouldn't change her mind. And what if she was the only one in her family that agreed to meet with me? I needed to complete all of them to complete the list.

"How would next week do you? The only thing that could be problematic, though I don't see it being, is that you would have to drive up here. Carlisle has work, we have school."