Burn

Prelude

      Honestly, Ashley and I wasn't even supposed to happen. See that's the craziest thing about emotions, they make you blind to the hard nose facts that lay right there in front of you. You can see all of the signs that point to "no don't do it." and the caution that might come ahead. And, you can still ignore all of it. Ashley was just supposed to be a friend that I could go chill with, but she became the catalyst for a whole other type of storm that involved emotional ass bullshit called feelings. It's like that's all I seemed to get hit with. I tried to be the perfect type of female, the one that you fantasize about and yearned for. I knew my role and how to finesse my way unto your spirit without you feeling as though I'm fish lining you into peer pressure. That innocent seduction, that's my favorite kind of weapon, a 9mm with an extended clip being my second. Eventually, you gravitate towards me, and become mine. Not being aware, I trap you. With Ashley though, I shouldn't have woven the web so thick.

      "Bro, why are you calling me and shit? You wanna go be at the club with hoes. But, when it comes to me I'm too This, I'm Too that. Like damn, what the fuck?" Ashley yelled at me. We had been arguing all day, over the past couple of weeks really. And, tonight is finally gonna be that night that I lose my whole fucking mind. Tonight after I got off of work, I was going to end our relationship. At first, we was cute as fuck. We had been seeing each other around the hood for a minute, but it wasn't nothing serious until I heard about her best friend passing away when we actually started talking and just "talking". "Bro I ain't saying nothing else to you about shit .." I spoke back to her. "But why? Why, that's how you wanna live yo life, huh? Out running in the streets wit BITCHES." She yelled again. Her light skinned face I knew had to be red from all the screaming and crying she's been doing today. I sat there staring out the window, not sure as to what I should say next. "Why are we even arguing about this, it was just some shit I thought about. It ain't like I asked you to do it every night. I just asked you why you don't." I answered back. "WHATS THE POINT?!" She cut me off. "Then not only that you tell a bitch who probably wants your dumb ass." She screamed in the phone, "where you at? You wit yo bitch?" I laughed, "what bitch?" She screamed even harder, "REALLY !!! You laughing bitch?! Blood gang I can't wait til you pull up." I rolled my eyes, fed up with this Phone conversation. We've been arguing since my lunch break from 6:30 earlier today. And, I was tired of going back and forth with her.

    I sped through the fog, bopping my head to the music that was blasting. My Nissan engine purred as I hit the gas down the highway, trying to get to the apartment we shared. I loved Ashley, but I loved her for the wrong reason, and I can admit that. But I loved her because she loved me harder than I did myself. Literally, she went harder for me than my mama did. She made it safe for me to feel and To care and believe that you could truly know love in a generation where genuine love is hard to come by. But with all that's been going on just made it all the more real as to why we shouldn't have worked at all. I don't give a fuck what anybody says, falling in love with a friend is the most deadliest game you could ever play with love. Don't get me wrong, it's plenty of motherfucks that'll probably tell you different. They'll probably say that's the truest love. But, wasn't nothing true with Ash. I should have left her alone. She was ready to be committed, and settled down. And, I just kept seeing myself dying every time she told me she wanted to marry me. I felt caged in, like my wings had been taken from me. I thought I was too young to be married or even feel engaged. And to not to have experienced anything fulfilling ever in my life, naturally I had to run.  Aquarius's are better off going with flows rather than at the beat of somebody else's drum. We fear the thought of being controlled. I am a true water bearer in the flesh, I tend to tuck my tail and haul ass when I feel like I'm being smothered too much. "I just got one question and that's it-" I didn't let her finish I hung up the phone in her face. I rushed to put my phone on airplane mode soon after. I ignored her calls for the rest of the ride home. I zoned out to the music. while some old Z-ro creaked through my car speakers as I shifted from lane to lane, just swinging in my imaginary big body I always dreamt about owning. My mind wandered off into oblivion and fantasy. The more I sparred back and forth with Ashley, the more I fantasized she was someone else. I found myself wanting other girls every time Ashley would piss me off and I be about ready to walk out on her. I mean, she was perfect. But, she wasn't perfect enough for me. We used to laugh and be dumb goofy with each other, but the more we grew together I started noticing we wasn't never on the same page. Like, we could never see eye to eye because we both lacked communication skills. She wanted me to be her wife when I just wanted to run from a life of boredom and restrain. But, she wasn't trying to let me go. I was her safety net and her escape after losing her grandmother and her best friend liv. She was just like me which is probably why we became so toxic so quick. With that, she made it harder for me to be there. I had to live up to their standards and restore what she had lost. But, I didn't have the energy to do it anymore.

   I pulled up to the heights and immediately, I spot Paige, Liv's girlfriend and Ashley's home girl from back when Liv was alive. They relationship was like a love/hate thing. Ashley fucked with Paige, but at the same time she low key dogged Paige for what she had put Liv through. I just heard stories, but they had just became real close for Liv. The street light glared off of her chocolate skin and bundles that she always loved getting bone straight. Her 5'6" frame glistened with tattoos and piercings, she was a real cute ass hood bitch that spoke her mind. And she was standing there pissed. I didn't know if the bitch was gon run and jump on me or what. I shook my head, "fuck" I sighed. Ashley always called her whenever our arguments got out of control and when I refused to talk to her. I just hated extra drama and be quick to cut off the bullshit Ashley was saying. But, she knew I would listen to Paige. I respected her too much, and Ashley hated it that. She would say some bogus ass shit like, "She don't give a fuck. She didn't even give a fuck about Liv her wife." I never paid attention to that, I didn't know Paige well enough to judge her like that."Hey, you! Asshole." She yelled, walking up to me. I lightly laughed. "Maneeeee..." I talked back. "What the fuck is going on? You lost your phone?" Paige replied back. I shook my head, "Nah, I been driving. I just got off." I spoke, hoping that'll smooth shit over. "Okay, but what the fuck all of this gotta do wit me?! I worry about money, not no petty kid shit." She yelled back, irritated by the answer I just gave her. "Basically, she's mad because I wanted to go to the club wit you. Now she thinking we fucking and talking behind her back. She think you want me." Paige cut her eyes, sighing. "If I wanted you I'd just take you. The fuck! Bro, see this why is exactly why I don't like being in the middle of muahfuckas relationships bro. Don't put me in shit, don't run to me then the next minute of accusing me. I DONT WANT YOUR BITCH." She yelled. "And I don't want you either." I shot back. I thought Paige was a lit ass bitch when we first met while I rode with Ashley to pick her up one night from a trick's house. I didn't know what to think at first, shit I thought she was gon be a low key type of bitch. A real goofy. But, Paige was the complete opposite of Ashley. Paige didn't become a problem until I started to want to do more shit with her instead of Ashley. "To be honest, I don't even care at this point. I'm trying to turn up and enjoy myself for once, not everybody want to be in the house watching the same DVDs every night being bored when it's plenty of shit I can go do." I smacked my lips, pulling my work hat down over my eyes. I never wanted Paige, it was that we just clicked. And, she was like my homie. Plus, she was talking to my play cousin Keshauna. I didn't look at her that way and I never had the feeling to fuck Paige, but the more we hung out, the more rumors started. I shook my head, "I'm finna go in there. What you doing out here, you waiting on key?" I asked her. "Yep, and she driving me too with her duck ass." She replied quick as fuck. I stood quiet. I grabbed my phone, finally taking it off airplane mode. Immediately, 106 messages and 56 missed calls showed up on my screen. I can't do this anymore. I shook my head as I walked into whatever storm was brewing in Ashley's apartment. Knowing the possible damage, one of us could get hurt.