Burn

Until the end of time

Through all the rain, the many nights I cried. I try to rectify my life and how I found myself here. By all means, Ashley was the girl I thought I was going to spend my last days with, but I couldn't look past her flaws. If I truly did love her, I could have just accepted them, but I didn't love her I guess. I thought I did, but you know how love get, tricky. Sneaky as fuck. I guess that's why my whole life I've been trying to runaway from feelings or feeling loved. I have too much of a good heart to give it to such a thing like love. Love is something that'll kill me if I give it my heart. But, I know for certain love couldn't feel like this. Not how I felt I thought I should've loved Ashely.
"Here you go wit that shit." Dion scoffed. Dion was my kid brother my baby boy. He was my first best friend. As far as I'm concerned, he's been the only person I counted on and trusted since his inception in the world. I grinned, "What you saying?" I spoke back. "WhAt yOU SaYin'. Nigga, you know what I'm sayin." He mocked me. "That day dreamin' shit you be doin. Like, you be in a whole other world or somethin." He smiled. He had the most beautiful grin I ever seen, I loved my little brother with his tall ass. He irked my nerves every other day, but he my nigga and it's just me and him. "Bro, why you still in the heights? You should be on somebody's campus. You got talent." He spoke. I shooked my head, "Why I gotta be on somebody's campus? Why I can't be outchea?" I laughed. He smirked, "But for what tho? Like, why I can't stay here?" I smiled. I knew the answer, I just like hearing dion explain it to me. For him to be the youngest of the both of us, he sure made it okay to have more wisdom than me. Like, I didn't raise him. Our mother was there...around at first, but morales, manners, and ambition Dion got from me. Sometimes the shit brings tears to my eyes because I felt like my whole life wasn't a complete fuck up if Dion wasn't as fucked up as I was. I mean, it was just us. When our mama was working late nights and even later mornings, we rarely seen her before we would get up in time for us to catch the bus for school whenever we did go. One day, when I was 13 & Dion had just turned 8, we came home to the house empty. No furniture, no lights, or water. And, mama wasn't nowhere in sight, but it was a note: i'll Be Back once I get situated. That was 9 years ago and since that day, we haven't seen her. Maybe she never got situated. Dion says he don't remember mama or that day that much, but I do. That was the same day I met Alejandro and my life changed for what it seem like to be the worse. I went from being bad as fuck to being out of control. By the time I was 14 I had a record longer than my arm, which was cool where I was from, but at heart I wasn't that person. I just did it because it felt like I needed to. I regret it! I lost the best parts of a life that went unfulfilled due to dumb ass street shit. I knew regardless of how bad things were I got through, I had faith it would get better. Dion wanted me to be better. I gave up my life to protect my brother and made sure shit was going to be okay. I neglected school so Dion could have the opportunity to go to any school he wanted to without it being an issue. I pushed his dreams while I let mine fall by the way side. That's why his last year of high school, I'm on his ass. He gotta get this scholarship and get away from the heights. That's what mama preached to me when Dion was first born, she said "This yo baby. You gotta take care of him like he was an angel sent to you from God himself" and vowed to always be there, just because mama wasn't. Her light brown eyes and light brown skin intwined in her facial features was like seeing precious rare artwork from Picasso or Jean-batiste. The type of smile that she had was so vibrant that she could've lit everybody's lights in the projects for a good month if she wanted to. She had 2 moles under her right eye just like I do. I'm the splitting image of my mother, and deep down I hate that shit. Because, when I stand in the mirror all I see is her and her imprint. I see her walking out on me and Dion when I see my reflection. And, I can't be a reflection of my mama. Yeah, I love her still to this day whether alive or dead. But, nah I'm not her. "D you know.." I started. He shook his head, "Nah ion know shit." He threw something in my lap, "I know that shit that's what I do know. Like, my nigga.." he looked at me with those almond eyes. I picked up the flash drive that he threw, "Damn D." He put his long bony finger up to his lips, "sssshhhh, don't say shit. Just do." He laughed. "Aye, look the way that we grew up Tre it wasn't right aight, but it was a lesson tho. And, the lesson that I learned is this shit never stop. Nigga on blood, this shit goes on and nigga I'm tired. I wonder sometimes if I'll be next ya know. Grayson, Mac, luh Chris, Dro all them niggas...they ain't wit us." He paused. I stared out the driver seat window, listening. The night sky seemed as still as a new born child sleeping at ease. The stars gleamed in the light of the moon as their reflection slithered around the silver paint of my car. The dash lights dimly lit my face as I hit the blunt of loud I had clenched between my lips. I slowly inhaled the THC and leaned back a little bit.. "Bro you ain't gon be next. We got a plan and we stickin to that shit. You gon play ball and be out of here. Stick to what we talked about. Besides, I hope none of these niggas out here stupid, on dat lane it'll get ignorant outchea." I hit tha blunt harder this time. "That's a real deal dawg bone blood." I spoke. He smiled, but it wasn't like the one before. I smacked my lips, "What D?" He started twisting his hair, that's how I know he had shit on his mind. I did too well with him, he saw everything I was doing and tried to stay far away as possible. The life I fell into, the people I done had to shoot at, and losing my bestfriend. Yeah, Dion didn't want no parts, I'd beat his ass if he tried to, like he would always want to follow me and Alejandro, but I knew then Dion couldn't get caught up. It'll kill me if Shit happened to my lil brother. "Nah nun! You grown lane. You can do what tha fuck You Want." He exaggerated. "But, You Know Damn well you can leave. Like, for real bro. You don't owe 'Dro .." he started. "Nuh uh." I cut him off. "D, what's the one thing I stay preaching to you, huh?" I asked. He sighed, "why? You finna use reverse psychology on me or some shit?" He shot back. I got offended. "You ole Fake ass dikembe wanna be shaq ass nigga, nah hoe I was making a point. Loyalty, right?" I finished. "Yeah, what about it?" He shrugged his shoulders. "Loyalty Been tha Only Thing We ever had D. You saw first hand how that nigga had my back. Niggas tryin to shoot my ass and shit." I spoke up. "Bruh, I get that shit. Dro was my big brother just like you my brother." He joked. I shooked my head, "You Think shit sweet, but I'm for real Dion Darrell. I can't leave my nigga loyalty behind like that. He put in some work, and kept my black ass alive along the way. Shit, he made sure you was fed, I was fed." I answered. "Aight. But what all that got to do wit you working wit them beef & bean burrito motherfuckas?" He snapped. I shooked my head, "Lil bro it got everything to do wit it." I Said sucking down the rest of my blunt. "After This last job I'm finna do, I put this on Dro nigga. I'm done wit this shit. We done wit this shit." I shot back.  "I been thinking bout some shit, and I think the right time coming." I Said, picking up the flash drive looking at it. "Aw yeah?" Dion answered back. I shook my head yes. "Aight, shit what is it?" He replied back. I sighed, "Bruh Bruh u gotta have patience, you'll know when." I answered. Dion leaned back, "I hope it's soon."

The night began to get hella humid as the moon continued to beam down hard as shit. The diamond necklace I had on sat perfectly across my burgundy Phillies jersey as my iced out watch and ring danced across the steering wheel. As I drifted down the highway, Nothin New by 21 Savage rattled the trunk, the beat taking me with each mile I passed. I hated when I smoke and get to sippin cause my mind goes to wondering. Like, how the fuck did I end up stuck here. I was supposed to been gone! A part of me felt that this was what I was always gon forever be, a hood nigga. The position I was put in, with the sacrifices and all the losses I took. And, now that I'm thinking about getting away, I feel as though I never will. Like, the more I push the more I'm being pulled in and I can't save myself from definite Hell. I know if I don't, I'll end up dead sooner than when I'm really trying to die. And, that shit scare me. After seeing them bullets rip my nigga up, I made the decision then. "You have an incoming call." The Bluetooth interrupted the music. I pressed the answer button on the steering wheel, "Who dis?" I answered. "So, You Don't got my number saved no more?" Paige scoffed over the car speakers. I slightly laughed, "I'm driving. What's ya issue?" I reply. "Mhm, you ain't gotta lie to me. I know Ashley & you don't fuck wit each other no more. That's probably why you ain't got my number saved." She went on. I rolled my ass, "What Ashley gotta do wit this?" I laughed. "Haha, shut yo ass up." She sounded back. "anyway, what's up?" I ask her. Paige never really called me like that, so this shit was a shock to me. And, when she did it always had something to do with Ashley. "Okay, You Said you driving soooo where you goin?" She asked, I could tell it was something she was tryin to do. "What's tha Move? I can tell you got some shit up ya sleeve." I shot out. I hated when people beat around the bush with me, like damn just say what you gotta say. "You in da heights asshole?" She spit. I laughed. Paige always had me rolling with her fine ass like I know it was her attitude, but I liked that shit. I don't know why, but seeing a cute ass bitch get it poppin wit that gangsta shit drives me to oblivion and beyond. And, Paige knew how to do that beautifully. Like, if Ashley wasn't so fucking psychotic and I didn't have respect for Ashley and her wishes, I would have probably fucked Paige by now. I mean, yeah she wit my play cousin and shit, but even that shit wasn't serious. Key ain't shit, but a joke. She had to be, to have a bitch like Paige and not appreciate that shit, she real stupid. I'd be knocking the tattoos off tha bitch ass. She wouldn't be able to move without daddy's say so. Then, Key aight wit her having tricks and shit. That's one thing I hated for real. Like, it didn't sit well with me. I mean, if a bitch getting bands outta sucka ass niggas then by all means hustle. But my problem with the shit is that not one time did I hear Key say nah Bae I got you lay back down. Like, that's the difference in me and these other studs in the heights, they like seeing they bitch Trickin. But, I'd much rather see my bitch do something better than pop her pussy. Like I'm a strong believer in "The man do tha dirty work" if my bitch gotta sell her ass then I'm a bitch ass nigga for allowing it. Besides, that's how shit should go, until the end of time right? "Where you trying to go?" I answered. She got irritated, "Ugh, Look whenever you get yo black ass to tha heights let me know." She replied back, then quickly hung up the phone. "Damn, da bihh ain't even say thank you. How she know I Wasn't tryin Get no pussy, tha fuck."